Thursday, November 28
plans for my wake and funeral.
i just wrote my wake and funeral plans. decided to do that because i've been seeing how fragile life is.
desmond's mum passed away yesterday.
aunty anny's colleague's daughter who's nineteen passed away.
jimmy's friend drowned.
never think that the next one who dies isn't you or i.
we all die.
it's just a matter of how and when.
wrote up how i'd like my funeral to be.
the songs to play as background music.
the songs to play during the service.
the music instruments to be played.
the decoration.
the food to be served.
the key messages in the sermon.
the coffin.
the photo in front of the coffin.
my last words.
wrote up how i'd like my funeral to be.
hillsongs as background music.
songs to sing.
let Your Kingdom come by sovereign grace.
when it's all been said and done by robin mark.
who am i.
nothing else matters by god unlimited, emu music US.
instruments. shakers. cajon. keys. guitar. bass.
if possible, decorated with balloons and nice table cloth!
potato chips and chocolates for people who come.
sermon messages to non-believers & believers.
a closed coffin where people won't see my face.
an informal photo, one of me on a holiday or one of my birthdays.
i love you, thank you, till we meet again.
if you're someone who's still reading and following this blog of mine,
in the case where i really die,
please help me to pass this message to whoever is planning for my wake.
thanks! (:
it's nice to think about death once in a while.
realising that this life is all we have.
help me to trust.
Saturday, November 9
ten months later.
haven't written here in a while. more than ten months.
life.
there are ups and downs.
friendship sometimes fall apart.
sometimes restored.
sometimes unsure.
sometimes thankful.
work.
beyond stressful.
learning.
depending on God.
needing Him so much.
lift me up.
my eyes are on You Jesus.
drawing strength.
holding tight.
hope has come.
forgiveness.
help me to trust.
Sunday, January 27
january twenty thirteen.
thank You Lord for friends who make your day.at the beginning of the day - a lovely whatsapp message.
during the day - a cuppa hot choc cinnamon with milk.
at the end of the day - a windy walk after work.
it's the little things that keep me going.
thank you dear.
today.
the first bus ride together.
after quite some time.
something that used to be so normal.
now means so much.
a note.
which also meant a lot.
thank you for the post-it and the chrysanthemum tea.
leviticus.
a book that never seemed interesting.
but actually is.
we are priests.
chosen by God.
washed in His blood.
clothed in righteousness.
He is h o l y .
and we too, are therefore to be holy.
burnt offering.
grain offering.
peace offering.
sin offering.
guilt offering.
atonement.
consecration.
blood.
unblemished.
soothing aroma.
restitution.
clean vs unclean.
help me to trust.
Friday, January 18
stressful time at work.
the next four weeks.
it's gonna be crazy.
Lord, i need You.
help me to trust.
Saturday, December 1
the promised land.
if anything happens, just wanted to say, thank you dad, mum, shan, ry. i love you all.
to my grandparents and relatives, may you know Christ.
to my friends who have been a part of my life, thank you. :D
protect us Lord.
if it's the end, let's celebrate a happy ending for in Him there is hope.
bye.
help me to trust.
Sunday, September 30
twenty eight on thirtieth.
happy birthday.
:D
help me to trust.
Saturday, September 29
tourists.
gardens by the bay.bayfront mrt.
purple general waste bin.
so sunny.
take out umbrella.
eat lychee martini ice cream.
nice cafes.
let's go into the aircon part.
colourful flowers.
flower paradise.
picture paradise.
colourful corn christmas tree.
waterfall.
cold.
scary bridge.
cave formations.
hold on.
reminds us of cameron highlands.
reminds us of sentosa beach resort.
reminds us of science centre.
texas spicy chicken.
sleepy lightshow.
night.
talk.
share.
listen.
encourage.
not the pilot.
just the passenger.
God the sovereign God.
lessons to learn.
staying close to Him.
drawing others to Him.
being changed into His likeness.
a journey.
caring for others.
fear of being cared for.
see God's hands and be amazed.
courage.
God's really good.
saw three express bus five zero two zoom by.
just within five minutes.
thought we'd have to wait an hour.
but it was merely one minute.
and five zero two came again - a double decker one.
taiwan.
presents.
smiles.
home.
a long overdue malacca post.
all aboard.
luxury tours.
right at the back of the bus.
with euns and shan. (:
first trip with all of them.
rsd. ex-rsd. friends.
not to be taken for granted.
thank You Lord for friends at work.
lovely.
courtyard at the heeren.
squeeky staircase up and down.
three beds.
just nice for six girls up in the attic.
first stop.
eat.
nonya assam laksa.
best laksa ever.
walk walk walk walk.
first shopping stop.
one hour - at the shoe section.
four pairs of shoes.
durian crepe cake.
muffin.
root beer float.
dinner.
portuguese chicken.
bitter lemon juice.
RM two one two.
night market.
shop.
quail eggs.
ear rings.
while the rest disappeared.
let's conquer the whole street.
let's go to that shop.
just to keep her out a while longer.
tired indeed she was.
finally. help me open the door.
errr. okay.
and then.
the surprise.
caught me by surprise too.
two cakes.
two shiny hairbands.
and the amazing decoration.
shower.
sleep.
nights girl.
bye to two guys.
walk more.
shower again.
cold water.
coffee place.
van inside.
beautifully designed coffee.
burgers.
lamb.
and beef.
try the smoothies.
strange music at the backyard.
beware of cats.
say goodbye.
now right at the front of the bus.
w shan.
put on safety belts.
talk.
about life.
home country.
on the mrt.
in unison.
it's different!!!
haha.
overall, amazing.
thank You Lord.
home.
help me to trust.
Friday, September 28
a book to be read.
reading a book.it takes time.
you can read it slowly.
over a cuppa coffee.
it takes time.
there's no rush.
just enjoy the stories.
and have fun.
reading a book.
line by line.
paragraph by paragraph.
page by page.
chapter by chapter.
the story reveals itself over time.
don't skip to the end.
because then you'll never get the full story.
reading a book.
others who have read it can give you a synopsis.
but that's not the same as reading it yourself.
reading a book.
after a few chapters.
you realize it's not the kind of book for you.
put the book down.
close it and stop reading.
closing a book.
remember the stories.
what you liked and what you didn't really like.
rest a while.
picking up a new book.
maybe.
maybe not.
-the two poets e & s.
help me to trust.
Saturday, August 25
words. they mean so much.
repentance does not cause a sense of sin - it causes a sense of inexpressible unworthiness. the sufficiency of Christ covers all our insufficiencies and unworthiness.He's not surprised by these tears, He probably finds them precious from a broken and contrite heart.
哭吧。在我们不值得被爱时，哭出来吧。
hiyah, i'll take care of you.
perhaps one day we can all go on a mission trip together.
pray God will fan into flames the zeal for Him.
passion must be caught, rather than taught.
let's surrender and trust in the Lord's sovereignty over us.
really need to get with God soon then, only He can work through how you feel.
the Lord gives the burden for the back and He also shapes the back for the burden.
get to the end of yourself where you can do nothing, but where He does everything.
help me to trust.
Tuesday, July 3
i love my grandpas.
help me to trust.
Saturday, June 23
twenty third. june. twenty twelve.
twenty second of june.never knew this day would mean anything.
until that day.
eleven years ago.
unanswered questions till today.
she decided.
to make the last decision in life.
one i used to admire.
one i used to think was very courageous.
but maybe it wasn't actually courageous at all.
swensen's sticky chewy choc ice cream.
a whole new meaning.
causeway point.
a whole new meaning.
ferrero rocher.
a whole new meaning.
church camp.
filled with different kinds of emotions.
still trying to figure them out.
emotional.
struggle.
learning.
assurance.
seeing.
unworthy.
sinful.
a part.
apart.
another colleague left.
one and a half years.
take care.
God's with the three of you.
glad for lunch together that day.
sometimes things aren't what they seem to be.
the external masks the internal.
a masquerade.
going to visit her.
it's been long.
maybe about a year.
thankful that a friend's going with me.
another small card this year maybe.
she's struggling.
with herself.
her identity.
her worth.
who she is in Christ.
Lord, teach me to just walk beside.
love comes when manipulation stops.
when you think more about the other person.
than about his or her reactions to you.
let go and let God.
that's what He's teaching me.
i'm His.
He is my shepherd.
i shall not want.
keep me broken and humble at your feet.
respect.
authority.
visually impaired.
involvement with the research project.
taught me to have less fear.
to have more understanding.
to ask questions that matter.
he held.
and trusted.
and didn't use his stick.
that's how we ought to trust the Lord.
fully.
wholly.
compassion bringers.
harvest winners.
God seekers.
Lord, keep me close to You.
a deep yearning.
for intimacy with You.
for more and more.
help me to trust.
Sunday, May 27
a month of events and lessons to learn.
big nice toilet.big nice bed.
big fluffy pillows.
big fluffy blanket.
first time eating passion fruit.
finding out if seeds can be bitten or eaten.
finding out if orange skin is good for health.
kith cafe.
forty hands.
the orange thimble.
books actually.
french bookshop.
reading.
writing.
resting.
listening to the Word.
taking photos.
back alleys.
old school doors.
old school windows.
cheds, the cheesy nice biscuit.
drinking grape juice from wine glasses.
honey ginger chai and blended caramel latte.
orange and grapefruit drink, cappuccino.
spinach mushroom pizza, mussels, chix wings.
orange jelly filled with lotsa tiny oranges.
chwee kuey.
porridge.
beef noodles which didn't quite taste nice.
sugar cane drink.
old man walking so slowly.
step by step.
sharing about growing old.
the fears.
the wisdom.
uncle without legs.
selling tissue.
ate his meal after he finished selling tissue.
boil water.
make tea.
peel off orange skin.
soft boiled eggs.
inside.
kneeling.
praying.
singing.
breakthrough.
sleeping.
loving.
sharing.
talking about crossroads.
talking about life.
talking about relationships.
talking about Father God.
talking about friends.
talking about school.
talking about family.
holding hands.
making sure it's safe.
cross roads.
crossroads.
a pun.
singapore river.
enjoying the night.
the breeze.
dreaming about the ideal proposal.
capturing the wonder.
the fantasy.
the imagination.
so thankful for the three days.
this friendship means much.
being thankful for the moments.
the simplicity.
of enjoying each other's presence.
of enjoying God's presence.
life is short.
never know what's going to happen next.
how long we'll live.
how many more years till God calls us home.
each year.
retreats.
precious.
special.
treasured.
God speaks.
shows me my sin.
shows me how i've failed.
shows me how i fall in areas i think i'm strong.
shows me how weak i am.
shows me that there's no one else but Him.
shows me that i'm truly in need of His grace.
next.
dad.
one hundred and sixty heartbeat.
how scary was that.
priority one in A&E.
scared me totally.
imagining losing him.
that freaked me out.
when the heart stops, everything else stops.
that moment.
it sank in immediately.
no delay at all.
anxiety crept in.
filled with too much emotions to bear.
thank God for friends in office.
a friend prayed with me.
behind the compactors.
talking to God about my dad.
bringing the focus back to God Himself.
a hug that truly brought comfort in the tears.
calmed me down quite a bit.
thankful for friends.
next.
yeh yeh.
in hospital.
he says.
i have no hope.
i'm waiting to die.
it's so unfortunate for you to have a grandfather like me.
is that how old people feel.
the hopelessness.
the visit was assuring.
hearing him say amen.
hearing him reciting verses with me from psalm twenty three.
knowing he has been reconciled with his daughter.
knowing that he'll be in heaven when he goes home.
that's the most comforting.
he's back in hospital again.
for passing out black blood in his motion.
he doesn't want to sign the papers.
to undergo a procedure to check what's wrong.
maybe he's scared.
next.
a fruit of the spirit is self-control.
knowing our limits.
knowing when enough is enough.
thank God for friends who know your stand.
and help you stick with your stand and not fall into peer pressure.
always helps to have one with the same conviction as you.
in a place where it's easy to go along with the crowd.
He kept us all safe.
and brought the four of us safely home.
growing older.
seeing more things.
the world out there.
being in the world but not of the world.
definitely a conversation to be continued.
next.
cg dinner.
truly a reunion of sorts.
it's been really long.
since we gathered like this.
the three of them.
the four of us.
plus two more other halves.
getting to know them.
them getting to know our friends.
years have flown by.
people have come and gone.
we've all had our journeys.
of being single.
of being attached.
wondering what's to come.
wondering what's ahead.
wondering what God will do in our lives.
He'll do a great work.
celebrating life.
celebrating birthdays.
next.
i need more time with You Lord.
help me to trust.
Tuesday, May 22
note it down.
things to write about which i haven't gotten down to.wangz.
changi hospital.
ice-skating.
cg dinner with des and cher.
dad.
help me to trust.
Thursday, May 17
hongkong twenty twelve.
help me to trust.
loves much.
help me to trust.
Wednesday, May 16
dad and his dad.
yeh yeh.hospitalised.
low blood count.
high fever.
vomiting.
breathless.
weak.
possible stomach internal bleeding.
possible intestine problem.
pneumonia.
bloated tummy.
eighty eight years old.
how long more will he survive?
would he live till ninety?
or a hundred?
he is so old.
decisions.
deciding whether he should undergo procedures.
procedures to find out what is wrong.
but these procedures might end up killing him.
because he's so old.
his body might not be able to take it.
wisdom is needed.
for dad and his siblings.
thank God that my boss allowed me to take two hour lunch break tmr.
and make up by staying till seven pm.
can go with dad to visit yeh yeh in hospital.
how long more will i see him alive?
i really don't know.
Lord, teach me to be a good granddaughter.
dad.
heart problems recently.
heart palpitation.
both his sisters have heart palpitation too.
atrial fibrillation.
that's what they call it.
is that what dad has too?
my aunts found out too late and so too late to cure.
what will happen to dad?
he used to be able to cycle from jurong to changi and back.
now, he feels so tired and breathless from jurong to west coast park.
i love you dad.
he seems tired.
tired from work.
hopes to retire soon.
Lord, give him strength.
he's fifty two.
give him joy Lord.
mommy's worried too.
brothers?
how are they feeling?
i'm not sure.
me.
heavy hearted.
but yet not wanting to be overly worried.
or maybe just in slight denial for now.
thinking that things will be okay.
health issues of loved ones brings much anxiety.
prayed for dad and yeh yeh at prayer meeting today.
realised that so many people are having hard times.
in their lives.
worried about marriage.
worried about children.
worried about parents.
committing all these into Your hands Lord.
in Your presence, that's where i belong.
help me to trust.
Tuesday, May 8
may twenty twelve.
fifth of may twenty ten. the day i started work two years ago.
it was a saturday this year.
glad to spend it away from work.
second to fourth of may twenty eleven.
three days with jo in langkawi.
snorkeling. waterfall. monkeys. cable car. beach. sunset.
time together.
first to sixth of may twenty twelve.
trip to hongkong with jo and mic.
six days in hongkong.
six days with friends.
six days of rest from work.
six days of exploring this land.
thankful for many things these six days.
thank You Lord for a friend.
came to fetch the three of us from our homes.
we had to be at airport at four thirty in the morning.
it's really such a blessing to have friends like that.
thank You Lord for the safe journey in the airplane.
turbulence on the way back was stronger than usual.
thank You Lord for safety.
in hongkong and especially in shenzhen.
none of us were in any danger.
none of us lost any of our belongings.
thank You Lord for the yummy food we had.
normal, red and black ramen.
where the queue extended to opposite the street.
tim sum. baked char siew bao. four baskets high.
where we had to queue and wait for more than an hour.
soft and smooth mashed potato in disneyland.
on a scattering rain day.
macdonalds nuggets.
cost me only two sing dollars.
thank You Lord for shopping.
managed to get some casual as well as work clothes.
the kind that i like.
so my clothes ended up looking all the same.
rather affordable prices they were at.
and a nike shorts at only nineteen sing dollars.
bought the iphone cover i always wanted.
costs about forty in singapore, but only seven dollars there.
thank You Lord for keeping yeh yeh well.
was really afraid that God will take him home.
he was admitted to hospital.
i think he's better now.
Lord, please bring about reconciliation.
among my dad's family.
bring those strained relationships back to peace.
three of us prayed together.
it's always heartfelt when His children gather to talk to Him.
prayed for family.
thank You Lord for disneyland.
the fireworks at the end was amazing.
really awesome.
it was, magical.
really magical.
left me without words, but just enjoying the fireworks.
colourful fireworks. shimmering fireworks.
bright fireworks. exploding fireworks.
almost teared when i stood there watching the fireworks.
it was just beautiful, almost indescribable.
it might sound strange.
but as i was watching the fireworks display, i thought about God.
maybe i kinda teared because of a realisation.
a realisation that if this is already so beautiful, how much more God is.
somehow He felt really close, as i watched those fireworks.
a special moment to remember.
thank You Lord for the trip to Noah's ark theme park.
that was another highlight of the trip.
a visit that made me think about God.
the first amazing thing.
the size of the ark.
it was gigantic.
really really really huge.
i was reminded that Noah had to build the ark for one hundred years.
one hundred years of faith, for someone who had never seen rain before.
imagine that. one hundred years. building an ark.
i was reminded that being in the ark during the flood was scary too.
i've always read about Noah's ark in the bible.
i don't know where i got the idea.
but i always thought that the ark was smoothly floating during the flood.
the four D show at the exhibition came with thunder, wind, lightning.
and a video of what it was like to be in the ark.
it wasn't smoothly sailing.
it was scary. thundery. shaky.
Noah's family was in there for five whole months!
it was tough for them.
the theme park created lots of evangelistic opportunities.
saw how the designers incorporated evangelism into the theme park.
it's just heartfelt.
knowing that we have the same heartbeat for evangelism.
a video about treasuring life.
t-shirts with designs, using colours to share the gospel.
a group of old ladies from china.
probably in their seventies.
with a passion for God in their hearts.
one lady who sang to God.
it's so nice to see old people having friends to love God together.
to travel together.
to journey on the rest of their walk of life together.
there's something special about old people who believe in God.
ah gong. believe in God. that'll be the best decision in your life.
thank You Lord for mic.
someone who encourages me to walk with God.
her faithfulness. her example.
taught us how to get around from place to place.
arranging the hostel.
always paying first.
going to disneyland again.
bringing camera for me to use.
shopping together and helping me decide when i can't decide.
teaching us how to fit all our shopping into our luggage.
excited about musicals.
excited about baking.
enjoying the moment, no camera, no videos.
doesn't like sandwiches. doesn't like raw tomatoes.
only willing to take photo with albert einstein.
likes useful things.
shares about fireworks being colourful due to different metals exploding.
saying things which jo hears as some other funny random word.
telling us that what we spotted is not a hidden mickey, but an obvious one.
reminded me of the times in secondary school.
how she taught me to share the gospel.
taught me physics and chemistry.
very thankful always.
thank You Lord for jo.
a friend whom i treasure so much.
one whom i'd like to grow old with.
her presence.
brings so much joy and laughter.
she shares. she listens. she prays.
she remembers lyrics.
sings meaningful songs to God.
songs with lyrics that are rich and true.
that night when we listened and sang songs to God.
it was lovely.
capturing moments during our trip.
i like the pics she took.
recalling memories together.
writing them down.
we both like cheap hostels and cheap shopping.
likes minute maid orange drink and bo luo bao.
likes to clap to make those stuffed toys dance.
taking pictures together.
with woody, pinoc, pluto, mick, daisy, pooh, lky, beckham, princess diana.
poiful sweet which lasted six days.
whipping out wet tissue or hand sanitizer when we needed it most.
cares for me by telling me not to eat oily food and to eat more veggie.
thinks of many friends and her dad, mommy and bro, and buys them gifts.
messages her mommy every day.
little things like sandwich maker and banana cutter makes her happy.
may her grandma come to know You.
thank You Lord for You.
for everything.
for giving us life.
for giving us breath.
for watching over us the whole time.
tenth to twelfth of may twenty twelve.
wangz.
coffee cafes.
with diakest kolega.
rest. listen. share. pray.
retreat with God.
seeking direction.
asking for forgiveness.
reflecting upon life.
looking forward lots to that.
loves.
june twenty twelve.
december twenty twelve.
twenty thirteen.
twenty fourteen. tasmania.
if the Lord willing.
help me to trust.
Saturday, April 14
a week of catching up.
seemed like a long week.met up with aunty and uncle and cousins whom i've not seen for 11 years!
back then i was in sec 3 and we went to australia to visit them.
they took really good care of us.
met them on thursday.
bethany's all grown up.
loves partying and shopping!
we're quite different in personality and interests, but we got along v well infact!
gona bring her to USS. (:
and maybe to clarke quay to check out the night life here?
that's not really a very me place to go though.
saw lisle.....
she's nineteen.
but the size of a small ten year old girl.
when i got into the car, she was sitting beside me.
i looked at her and smiled and said hello.
she looked at me.
she hugged me very tightly.
once, twice, thrice, four times, five times, six times.
until my aunty had to tell her, "no more, no more, be gentle".
repetition.
she's nineteen.
but she cannot speak a word.
she's nineteen.
but wearing diapers which my aunt had to change.
and often my aunt had to clean her drool.
she's nineteen.
but cannot walk without someone supporting her.
she's nineteen.
she uses special plates and utensils to eat her food.
and wears a bib to prevent food from falling all over her.
but God made her special.
with likes and dislikes.
she loves escalator rides, up and down and up and down.
she loves holding and crushing tissue paper packets.
because the likes the sound of it.
she loves music, like celine dion.
she'll move with the music if she likes it.
she understands in a certain way, but not like how we do.
she smiles sometimes.
she can nod her head.
she is very sensitive to touch.
she loves to be very very close to people.
i think it gives her a sense of security.
my aunt said that for boys with a disability like hers, they die by age 2.
and for girls with a disability like hers, they live only till early teens.
lisle is the longest surviving that they have seen.
it takes so much love from the parents.
but yet, in them, they see her as special.
they see her as theirs.
they see it not as sacrifice, but of what they love to do.
compared to 11 years ago when i saw her, she's grown.
she didn't use to be even able to stand up.
today she's able to walk, with someone holding her hand.
and maybe i feel that certain connection with her partly because of my work.
at work, we plan for services for children and adults with disability.
we talk about how we can empower people with special needs to lead independent lives.
my cousin. my very own cousin.
she's a child with special needs.
goes to a special school in australia who teaches skills for daily living.
she's special.
a child loved by God.
loved by her family.
special.
heard from my dad that they went to visit yeh yeh at the home.
i'm not sure if due to yeh yeh's dementia, he forgot the past.
or was it truly really that he has accepted them.
whatever it is, it's good.
it's reconciliation.
he has probably not seen them in thirty years?
dad said yeh yeh cried when he saw them all.
they hugged.
and talked.
i was so touched to hear that.
yeh yeh was the one who drove them out.
out of singapore.
he didn't attend their wedding.
didn't give them his blessings at all.
the past few times i heard him talk about them, he was angry and scolding.
i wonder how they felt.
i wonder how gu ma felt.
seeing her father again.
after thirty years.
seeing yeh yeh old and weak.
it might be the last time they see him.....
he might not survive till the next time they come to singapore.
so i'm really very thankful and glad that the meet up turned out well.
reconciliation.
i saw some reconciliation between gu ma and ah pak too.
ah pak talked to them.
he asked them questions about how lisle was.
he was really concerned, maybe a little taken aback to see her like that.
they talked, smiled, chatted.
and in the car, gu ma told dad, "wa. i'm surprised william spoke so much."
in the past ah pak used to be very cold.
so gu ma and uncle sherman were really pleasantly surprised.
time heals.
time does change things and people for the better i guess.
am heartened to see this reconciliation.
had dinner with c, a, a.
had really yummy ramen.
and ice cream after that.
thanks for ice cream treat.
was glad for catch up.
had lunch with b, j, j, c.
at fullhouse.
pretty place.
glad to hear how God's been working in all their lives.
love catch up times.
had easter egg painting in office.
glad they had fun. (:
thank You Lord.
for opportunities.
opportunities to talk to friends about You.
it was scary.
uncertain.
not sure how to respond.
but You opened doors.
You open hearts.
You comforted me from 2 Tim.
not to be ashamed of the Gospel.
and that You've not given us a spirit of timidity.
but of power.
you reminded me.
that i was taught the Holy Scriptures since i was young.
which saved me.
and to hold fast to it.
and not be shaken or wavered by other teachings.
just wrote a note to a friend.
and comments in a book i want to pass to her.
Lord, speak to her through that.
thank you Lord for her.
it's been such a long week.
a week of dreams too.
lost in timor.
rockets coming my way.
i wonder what to make out of these dreams.
my mind's more rested now.
able to rest.
church tmr.
good night.
was glad for catch up.
had lunch with b, j, j, c.
at fullhouse.
pretty place.
glad to hear how God's been working in all their lives.
love catch up times.
had easter egg painting in office.
glad they had fun. (:
thank You Lord.
for opportunities.
opportunities to talk to friends about You.
it was scary.
uncertain.
not sure how to respond.
but You opened doors.
You open hearts.
You comforted me from 2 Tim.
not to be ashamed of the Gospel.
and that You've not given us a spirit of timidity.
but of power.
you reminded me.
that i was taught the Holy Scriptures since i was young.
which saved me.
and to hold fast to it.
and not be shaken or wavered by other teachings.
just wrote a note to a friend.
and comments in a book i want to pass to her.
Lord, speak to her through that.
thank you Lord for her.
it's been such a long week.
a week of dreams too.
lost in timor.
rockets coming my way.
i wonder what to make out of these dreams.
my mind's more rested now.
able to rest.
church tmr.
good night.
help me to trust.
Saturday, April 7
a call from a good friend.
a good friend called from overseas.it was a surprise.
he always gives me surprises like that.
it brightens up my day.
to know that a friend remembers me.
talking with him is as comfortable as always.
catching up on the times.
remembering the past.
it felt as if the months and years that passed were merely a few days.
that's something special about certain friends.
that comfortable sharing and listening.
just missing those times in the past.
when we were still young.
having fun.
going on mission trips together.
thank You Lord for giving us friends.
thank you for calling. (: (:
help me to trust.
Sunday, March 18
about stuff.
about staff appraisal.one year ten months since i first started work.
i can still remember how nervous i was when i first started out.
wondering how things will be.
wondering if i would be able to survive in my first job.
time flew by and it's staff appraisal time of the year again.
being evaluated for the past year of work.
i've never liked staff appraisals.
cos it's troublesome to have to fill in all those forms.
but i now realize that such times are actually very helpful.
it's a time where i get to think and evaluate my own work.
it's a time where i start to think about what i would like do next.
it's a time where i share how i would like to see myself growing.
it's a time where i hear from my boss of my work quality and attitude.
i realised how much of God's grace has been with me.
hearing words of affirmation and assurance.
i've always felt that my work wasn't good.
that others around me are much better.
that i'm falling short, not doing well enough.
that i'm slow in grasping things.
that i'm bad at speaking and articulating.
but it seems like, maybe doing my best for God at work is what matters.
and somehow, He will shine through me when He desires to.
i don't know, i'm just filled with much awe.
of how He blesses me at work with wonderful colleagues and bosses.
He blesses me by giving me opportunities.
He blesses me by helping me with the work i've been tasked to do.
and in ways i don't realize, He has been guiding me.
in ways i don't see, He has showed favor.
i don't know what else to say, but thank You Lord.
Lord, help me remain teachable, remain humble.
knowing it's by Your grace.
about esplanade night.
was a night of being awed by the music produced.
the band was really awesome.
i thought the drummer was really good.
after that shannon told me it was his teacher's son.
jimmy lee's son - aaron lee.
who has been playing since young.
euns' cg members were there too.
it was a night of good company and music.
that strangeness can't seem to go.
i don't know why.
vic treated us to a very satisfying indian meal in little india.
thanks vic!
about love.
it's tough to love people when they constantly come into your space. demanding attention. but if we are always in control, deciding whom and when we will love, then we risk having a weak imitation of love. if we aren't open to our schedule being interrupted or our bank account tapped, then we might be fooling ourselves as to our own goodness. love gives. from book, when love walked among us. well, even the tax collectors love those who are lovable.
about youth ministry.
had a good discussion with pastor and ben.
sharing how we would like to see the youth ministry grow.
sharing the purpose and mission of the ministry.
this time we spent some good solid time in prayer before we started.
and i truly experienced God's empowering during our discussion.
we started off with nothing much.
and we ended off with something we all came up with together.
it was a common understanding and consensus.
united.
it was indeed God who brought us there.
keep us humble and broken as your servants.
about the new week ahead.
a new week starts tomorrow.
thank God it's monday - it's great living by that.
some of my friends are struggling.
some really need You.
Lord, be with them.
and help me to be the friend You want me to be.
help me to trust.
Tuesday, March 13
the stories of our lives.
three packed weeks in a row.it's tiring i must say.
but building relationships are things to hold close.
dinner with py. (: (:
very nice cosy tea place.
pretty.
quiet.
like sort of a retreat from the busy world.
just resting and relaxing.
enjoyed the sharing of lives, the listening, the smiling.
we all come with different experiences.
with our own stories to tell.
with the stories coming together and overlapping at some chapters.
the chapters are all woven together simply yet powerfully.
You've got our lives written in Your book.
she's so precious in Your sight.
we all are.
she's so precious in Your sight.
we all are.
help me to trust.
Wednesday, March 7
march thoughts.
it's interesting how God has been using different people to encourage me to continue to be faithful in the work that God has called me to. recently, people have been telling me about how i've been a testimony and encouragement to others. and it's in ways that i didn't even know that i was being an encouragement... was just going about doing usual things. uncle robert approaching me to share what he has seen in me, eric and ee han sharing that richard decided to explore serving in yfc cos he saw something in me and heard that i have been involved in yfc... thank You Lord for showing me this assurance that my life has been one that has been honoring to You. i'm not perfect, i'm far from who God wants me to be, i'm one filled with much sin, but yet God still works through me. it's all about Him. it's nothing about our personal holiness, but it's all about God and His glory. it really has nothing to do with me that people are encouraged, but i'm just very thankful for the special assurance and encouragement from God, for me to press on and continue to be faithful in this journey. and God knows. He knows i've kinda been a little tired recently, kinda thinking about my involvement in the different areas of ministries... thinking about whether my life has been pleasing to Him and whether i've been doing and focusing on the things that He would like me to do and learn. and well, these little encouragements here and there kinda bring in some light, that maybe, my life is indeed aligned with what God has created me to be and do.Moses prepared for eighty years for forty years of ministry. Jesus prepared for thirty years for just three years of ministry. our call in life will come in different phases. each phase is to prepare us for the next phase.
it's about making a meaningful life out of an ordinary one. God can help us do that.
living in light of my death.
Jesus was broke when He died.
what is success in life? it is - completing the work that God has set out for me to do since i was born. to hear God say, "good and faithful servant" would be the greatest thing ever.
thank You Lord for my job. for the opportunities given to me to depend on You. the many faith stretching moments which You have never failed to bring me through. thank You Lord for the friends i have at work. i've never imagined that i would make such wonderful friends at work. i remember how nervous i was on my first day of work. it's coming to two years. and there's only wonderful things to thank God for.
what next is the question.
it's just amazing. euns. her life. her testimony at the work place. her passion for You. her closeness to You. her dependence and love for You. her heart for people. her understanding of the things in people's hearts. her prayers. her life. thank You Lord for teaching me so so much about who You are through her and what it means to live a life that is pleasing and honoring to You. this learning journey has been amazing. thank You God for everything. and Lord, be with her tomorrow.
shan. she shows me what being a wife is to be like. she gently and quietly shows acts of care. dropping by quietly in her own way to show that you're cared for. thank You.
anna stepped out in faith. she crossed the jordan river. it was a painful decision, this God-honoring decision. it's hard. but yet because she loves God, she made that decision. God, You'll give her the best. a real life example of what it means to love God.
arvind and cheryl. looking forward to spending some time together with them on saturday.
cannot order naan without ordering the sauce.... never knew there was such a rule. thank God for the time together. for bus rides together. for sharing chicken wings, maggie goreng and garlic bread. for sharing of lives. listening and being together. the gift of friendship.
singing from the heart. dynamics. with a friend. the many years of knowing her has been so fruitful and meaningful. seeing her grow up. seeing her serve. seeing her persevere. seeing her depending on God through school. seeing her now mature and loving Jesus. amazing.
two friends. two new jobs. Lord, be with them.
though our queensway market dinner has been postponed, it doesn't mean that i don't miss you!
these next two to three weeks is packed. every night out... wonder how i'll survive. but am looking forward to some of the meet ups and catch ups. though it'll be physically tiring, but meeting people and friends are such special moments to be treasured. it's about the sharing of hearts. lives. understanding.
she came to know Jesus through street evangelism. i'm so encouraged by her faithfulness and passion in doing God's work. quiet girl, yet filled with so much love for the young people. thinking of so many ways to reach out to them.
her birthday is on friday.
help me to trust.
Saturday, March 3
(: (:
help me to trust.
Monday, February 27
happy birthday.
help me to trust.
Friday, February 10
two words.
humble.broken.
two words God has been graciously teaching me.
help me to trust.
Tuesday, February 7
amazed.
i'm amazed at how God prepares people to do His work.both joel and ben agreed on the spot when i asked if they would like to be involved in leading the youths.
me of little faith was indeed surprised by their responses.
they both said that they were already thinking about it even before i asked.
willing hearts.
it's really all glory to God.
and nothing on my part.
i kinda see it as an assurance that God provides.
He indeed does.
thank You Lord.
face down.
having nothing else to cling to.
but need of love that only You can give.
face down.
where I know that I belong.
and I pray with grace that this world sees in me.
someone humbled and broken at Your feet.
help me to trust.
Wednesday, February 1
you.
praying for you my dear.love.
help me to trust.
Tuesday, January 31
dad in pain.
dad took ten minutes to walk from his bed to his toilet.usually it would take him three seconds.
each step he took was like excruciating pain.
mom is now the nurse.
need to help him with everything including washing his hair.
need to clean up the blood from his wound that stained his pillow and bedsheets.
so much patience is needed because he gets frustrated easily over little things.
mom and i aren't nurses.
of course we don't know how to do the dressings like the nurse in the hospital.
he gets frustrated over that.
i asked a friend what bandage to use to help the wound heal.
the friend offered to buy it for him.
and he got frustrated that i troubled my friend.
of course we don't know how to do the dressings like the nurse in the hospital.
he gets frustrated over that.
i asked a friend what bandage to use to help the wound heal.
the friend offered to buy it for him.
and he got frustrated that i troubled my friend.
i don't blame him for being frustrated.
i mean, from a completely able-bodied man, now, even standing up is a problem.
sleeping is painful.
going to the toilet is painful.
walking down the stairs is painful.
moving his arms is a painful.
his back hurts too.
from having to sleep completely straight on his back.
he said it's like sleeping in a coffin, cos he can't move at all.
so he tried sleeping on the chair in the day.
how much rest can one get from sitting in a chair.
Lord, please heal him quickly.
today i saw how mommy just patiently cared for him.
and loved him.
and being especially patient.
even at times when he was unnecessarily frustrated.
Lord, give her strength and help her to continue to do that.
amen.
i mean, from a completely able-bodied man, now, even standing up is a problem.
sleeping is painful.
going to the toilet is painful.
walking down the stairs is painful.
moving his arms is a painful.
his back hurts too.
from having to sleep completely straight on his back.
he said it's like sleeping in a coffin, cos he can't move at all.
so he tried sleeping on the chair in the day.
how much rest can one get from sitting in a chair.
Lord, please heal him quickly.
today i saw how mommy just patiently cared for him.
and loved him.
and being especially patient.
even at times when he was unnecessarily frustrated.
Lord, give her strength and help her to continue to do that.
amen.
help me to trust.
Wednesday, January 25
two. polaroid. love. shoes. balloon. journey.
help me to trust.
Tuesday, January 24
cny twenty twelve.
chinese new year twenty twelve.saturday.
reunion dinner with ah gong and ah ma.
sunday.
reunion dinner with yeh yeh.
he came in a wheelchair.
he didn't complain.
he didn't even speak much.
he drank coke.
he needed help to get up from the chair.
he walked really slowly.
monday - day one.
nice dress from cousin.
offered mommy and daddy tea.
three of us.
went to visit yeh yeh at his home in changi.
he spoke more.
he said the old people in his home made the cny decorations.
he asked me about whether my pen had refills.
he told me why people hang the 'fu' upside down during cny.
i told him i sent his photo for a competition and won.
glad to hear him speak more.
we usually would go to an uncle's house.
but this year we didn't.
he passed away last year.
no more taking photos on the roof top with cousins.
ah ma and ah gong.
love her cooking.
ah gong washing dishes.
cousins.
hugs ah ma.
diakest kolega came.
ah ma cooked bee hoon.
tuesday - day two.
macdonald's breakfast with family.
picked ah ma.
she treated us to durian.
went to kim poh's house and shop only to realise she is in hospital.
she used to open a fruit shop there.
i used to go there with ah ma when i was very young.
kim poh's shop would have a yakult fridge.
i remember opening the fridge to take grape yakult to drink.
today, about twenty years later.
the place has changed.
but the yakult fridge is still there.
memories.
saw ah ma's sister too whom i haven't seen in ages.
met many relatives whom i didn't quite know who they were.
later i found out that they are my ah ma's brother's children.
we sat a while and made our way to NUH.
she said when ppl are old, how much money also no use.
she doesn't know you.
she looks older.
older than before.
back to work tomorrow.
sometimes having too much time isn't good either.
idle brain ends up thinking about too many random things.
help me to trust.