Thursday, June 23
fruit of the spirit.
five days of youth camp.thankful seeing the older youths take the lead.
thankful for ada who ran to grab a chair for me when i didn't have space to sit.
thankful for joshua who did an awesome job and who expressed his appreciation. and who is a servant leader. woke up early to make breakfast for us. was so touched by that sight.
thankful for jan and jess who cared for my broken toenail.
thankful for siwei who took dessert for us.
thankful for ihsuan who comes with many hugggs.
thankful for charissa who shared.
thankful for janice who came straight after camp and gave it her all.
thankful for matthew who always smiles.
thankful for wayne who is so responsible and so creative.
thankful for lester who has a quiet presence.
thankful for nick who was so patient and encouraging in leading us blindfolded for 2 hours.
thankful for the friendly and cute little BB boys.
thankful for little patrick who helped to cut apples and who let me choose whether i wanted pork or lamb chop for dinner before he took his.
thankful for bryan who taught me how to shuffle.
thankful for nick who thanked me again and again for the angel-mortal present i gave to him.
thankful for sharing time.
thankful for both the devotion times where it was heart-to-heart sharing.
thankful for diakest kolega.
thankful for my group, faithfulness.
who acted really well during fun night.
kathy, emmaus, charissa, nick, lester, jeriel, brian, patrick.
thankful for them.
thankful for wilson who let us use the green mat to sleep.
thankful for ruth who brought dinner and who brought little jared to camp. loved playing with him.
thankful for pastor shane who gave good godly advice throughout the camp.
thankful for brothers. both of them.
thankful that God kept all of us safe.
thank You Lord for sustaining me through this whole camp.
help me to trust.
Wednesday, June 22
a decade has passed.
twenty second of june.it's been a decade.
but the memories and the feelings and the pain still do not go away.
it's like a memory and a part of me that will always remain.
the memory is so vivid.
it just seems and feels like yesterday.
the everything.
hearing the news and choosing to believe that it's all a dream.
taking out photos and cards with shaking hands.
walking around where she lay, putting the yellow flower inside, knowing that it signifies my last goodbye.
but it was a goodbye she never could respond to.
writing and writing and writing non stop, hoping the pain goes away.
being strong infront of people and never shedding a tear.
feeling empty at badminton practices.
breaking down while visiting her there.
wondering what it would have been for her if she were here.
even after a decade, tears still well up.
why doesn't the pain go away?
ten years. ten years.
all that is left is a memory.
all that is left are pictures.
all that is left is a card.
going back there is like accepting the truth once again.
accepting the pain and reality of it all.
i don't think this pain will ever go away, even in decades to come.
Lord, You know.
help me to trust.
Monday, June 13
rest and relax.
argh. i don't know why my mind keeps being so active recently. feels like i'm thinking of something even when i'm not. gets very tiring and stressful. i think more white hair's gona come out. God, help me to truly rest and stop thinking of all the to-dos.
help me to trust.