Wednesday, February 23
ten years.
been thinking about her.just finished reading the book "feeling blue".
it's a book about how to help a youth handle depression.
there was a chapter about why youths commit suicide.
and signs to know that one is thinking about suicide...
she had a lot of those signs.
weight lost, no appetite, saying that it'll be better without her, giving away her fave things, saying she's not worth our time and love, talking about being a failure, rejecting praise, drop in school attendance.
another chapter was about the reactions of youths who have lost a friend or family because of suicide.
feelings of disbelief, guilt, blame, intense sadness, suicidal feelings, confusion, anger, hiding emotions inside and pretending everything was okay.
first reactions of shutting down, feeling numb, disbelief.
then experiencing intense emotions upon realising the deceased is truly gone.
and eventually emotions become less intense and the bereaved becomes more engaged in everyday life.
feeling a lot of emotions when going to places or doing things that remind one of the deceased.
i can identify with that.
didn't realise it was normal for me to have felt that way.
it has been ten years.
thank God for seeing me through that extremely difficult time as a fifteen year old.
only by His grace was i able to heal and live life.
God was the one who held me close during those many nights of tears and doubts.
i had no one else but God.
without God i wouldn't have come out of that depressing time.
journalling also helped me a lot, esp since i didn't want to share my feelings with others....
the book also said not to be afraid to refer to the deceased by name.
and to do things to remember the person, for example looking at past photos, thinking of past memories, remembering the person's birthday, talking about the person with another friend.
and as a friend to someone who has lost a friend due to suicide, sometimes there really isn't any words to say, but it's comforting enough to be there for the friend, to listen.
reading the book brought back so much memories and brought to the surface some of the deep emotions that have been hidden inside. as i look back, there's nothing else i can do but to thank the Lord for seeing me through.
glory to God.
help me to trust.