teaspoons of love.

two words.

2012-02-10T22:11:00.003+08:00

humble.
broken.

two words God has been graciously teaching me.

amazed.

2012-02-07T20:52:00.002+08:00

i'm amazed at how God prepares people to do His work.
both joel and ben agreed on the spot when i asked if they would like to be involved in leading the youths.
me of little faith was indeed surprised by their responses.
they both said that they were already thinking about it even before i asked.
willing hearts.
it's really all glory to God.
and nothing on my part.
i kinda see it as an assurance that God provides.
He indeed does.

thank You Lord.

face down.
having nothing else to cling to.
but need of love that only You can give.
face down.
where I know that I belong.
and I pray with grace that this world sees in me.
someone humbled and broken at Your feet.

you.

2012-02-01T22:37:00.002+08:00

praying for you my dear.
love.

dad in pain.

2012-01-31T22:40:00.002+08:00

dad took ten minutes to walk from his bed to his toilet.
usually it would take him three seconds.
each step he took was like excruciating pain.
mom is now the nurse.
need to help him with everything including washing his hair.
need to clean up the blood from his wound that stained his pillow and bedsheets.
so much patience is needed because he gets frustrated easily over little things.

mom and i aren't nurses.
of course we don't know how to do the dressings like the nurse in the hospital.
he gets frustrated over that.
i asked a friend what bandage to use to help the wound heal.
the friend offered to buy it for him.
and he got frustrated that i troubled my friend.

i don't blame him for being frustrated.
i mean, from a completely able-bodied man, now, even standing up is a problem.
sleeping is painful.
going to the toilet is painful.
walking down the stairs is painful.
moving his arms is a painful.
his back hurts too.
from having to sleep completely straight on his back.
he said it's like sleeping in a coffin, cos he can't move at all.
so he tried sleeping on the chair in the day.
how much rest can one get from sitting in a chair.

Lord, please heal him quickly.

today i saw how mommy just patiently cared for him.
and loved him.
and being especially patient.
even at times when he was unnecessarily frustrated.
Lord, give her strength and help her to continue to do that.

amen.

two. polaroid. love. shoes. balloon. journey.

2012-01-25T00:19:00.004+08:00

cny twenty twelve.

2012-01-24T15:43:00.005+08:00

chinese new year twenty twelve.

saturday.
reunion dinner with ah gong and ah ma.

sunday.
reunion dinner with yeh yeh.
he came in a wheelchair.
he didn't complain.
he didn't even speak much.
he drank coke.
he needed help to get up from the chair.
he walked really slowly.

monday - day one.
nice dress from cousin.
offered mommy and daddy tea.
three of us.
went to visit yeh yeh at his home in changi.
he spoke more.
he said the old people in his home made the cny decorations.
he asked me about whether my pen had refills.
he told me why people hang the 'fu' upside down during cny.
i told him i sent his photo for a competition and won.
glad to hear him speak more.
we usually would go to an uncle's house.
but this year we didn't.
he passed away last year.
no more taking photos on the roof top with cousins.
ah ma and ah gong.
love her cooking.
ah gong washing dishes.
cousins.
hugs ah ma.
diakest kolega came.
ah ma cooked bee hoon.

tuesday - day two.
macdonald's breakfast with family.
picked ah ma.
she treated us to durian.
went to kim poh's house and shop only to realise she is in hospital.
she used to open a fruit shop there.
i used to go there with ah ma when i was very young.
kim poh's shop would have a yakult fridge.
i remember opening the fridge to take grape yakult to drink.
today, about twenty years later.
the place has changed.
but the yakult fridge is still there.
memories.
saw ah ma's sister too whom i haven't seen in ages.
met many relatives whom i didn't quite know who they were.
later i found out that they are my ah ma's brother's children.
we sat a while and made our way to NUH.
she said when ppl are old, how much money also no use.
she doesn't know you.
she looks older.
older than before.

back to work tomorrow.

sometimes having too much time isn't good either.
idle brain ends up thinking about too many random things.

teach me to truly love.

2012-01-23T21:42:00.003+08:00

sharing

it takes trust.

loving.

it takes generosity.

thank You Lord for friends.

sufficiency.

2012-01-22T22:56:00.004+08:00

when this journey seems like it's being travelled alone.
God is there.
and maybe it's to be learnt.

God surely understands.
He's closest and wants to be so known by you in this period.
to encounter more and more of Him.
till you have no more self-sufficiency.
and can truly say you wait on Him alone.

learning to be strong.
to be strong in Him.
not in yourself.

that's when we have to turn our focus back to God.
whatever lot he has given in our lives is out of His best plan for us.

this new year.
new experiences of God being near.
of God being sufficient.
of God knowing best.
of trusting His heart.

pouring out the bottled.
writing in the little book.

pray. pray. pray.

the well.

2012-01-15T22:08:00.001+08:00

Leave it all behind

I have what you need, but you keep on searching
I've done all the work, but you keep on working
When you're running on empty
And you can't find the remedy
Just come to the well
You can spend your whole life
Chasing what's missing
But that empty inside, it just ain't gonna listen
When nothing can satisfy
And the world leaves you high and dry
Just come to the well

And all who thirst will thirst no more
And all who search will find
What their souls long for
The world will try but it can never fill
So leave it all behind
And come to the well

So bring me your heart, no matter how broken
Just come as you are, when your last prayer is spoken
Just rest in my arms a while
You'll feel a change, my child
When you come to the well

And now that you're full of love beyond measure
Your joy's gonna flow like a stream in the desert
Soon all the world will see
Living water is found in me
‘Cause you've come to the well

Your pursuit of perfection
Your fear of rejection
Your temporary pleasures
All your earthly treasures
Dried up empty religion
Rusty chains of addiction
All the guilt that weighs you down
Just leave it all behind and come to the well

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bW5unzXXC0k

Lord, teach me to wait upon You.
You know best.
all my heart's desires can be satisfied when i come to the well.
and that's really all that's needed.
teach me to trust.
it's hard.
but You are trustworthy and You know best.
it's a learning journey.
of understanding myself.
of finding security in You alone.
thank You Lord that i have YOU.

(:

ninth january twenty twelve.

2012-01-14T22:48:00.002+08:00

a friend went home to be with the Lord.
heart attack.
while preparing to go to work.
in her home's toilet, and there her life ended.
thirty six years old.

that was again a strong and sober reminder that life is short.
people come. people go.
when will it be my turn?
or when will my loved ones go?
it's scary to know that as i'm typing this, that i could just get a heart attack and die now.
our lives are so fragile.

to those who believe in Jesus.
we can cry with hope.
we can say goodbye with hope.
for we know that it's not the end.
what about those without Jesus...?

a friend came back to the Lord.
and i'm humbled to know that i wasn't at all a part to play in it.
it's fully and truly by God's grace.

grace, a friend in my department.
God put her there to remind me that His grace is sufficient.
joy, a friend in my department.
God put her there to remind me to have joy in all that i do.

east timor.
i'm back.
it seemed like it was months that i was there.
processing begun quite a while ago.
not sure if it has ended.

friends and homes go together.
stayover at friend's home.
talking, sharing, loving, listening, praying.
beautiful.
a comfortable place to be truthful.
to share deeply.
and to know that there's trust between friends.
grape jelly.
mentos.
brown chinese paper.

friends and nice cafes go together.
our first place of exploration was loysel's toys.
our second place of exploration was drips bakery cafe.
looking forward to the next place!
stamp of a pony.

friends and holidays go together.
looking forward to a holiday with friends.

it's been a tough few days at work.
but God always shows me that He is sufficient.
she said.
this is part of His work in us.
it's only gonna get tougher.
but that's where we'll learn to find Him.
His grace. His strength. His peace. His joy and manna for each day.
indeed.

hello kitty sweets to prevent motion sickness.
lovely gift.

beautiful tapes.
heart shaped and clouds design.
beauuuuuutiful.
thank you.

Lord, please comfort her.
she's using the iphone cover she gave.
she's feeling regretful for missing the gathering.
Lord, be her comfort.

Lord, i trust You.
to keep waiting in hope and anticipation.
You're a God who knows best. (:

my life in pictures.

2011-12-25T22:49:00.010+08:00

christmas dinner with ah gong and ah ma.

my ah ma and my mommy look exactly like each other.

we sang "you yi jian li wu".

they need Jesus.

their time is getting shorter.

present from my little brother.

he never fails to surprise me with gifts.

he buys us presents on birthdays and during christmas.

on this christmas night, right now, he's reading the bible.

spending the night with the One

who rightfully should be the reason for this season.

buying christmas presents can be fun and humorous too.

pink obiang basket on a cool bike.

sharing her joy, sharing his joy, sharing their joy.

one week into marriage, and he's loving it.

the sight of them kneeling before the cross.

being prayed for by their parents.

a really touching scene.

Lord, i pray you watch over her.

take care of her family too.

and comfort her to know that they are in safe hands.

time with a friend at loysel's toys.

coffee, breakfast set.

it was fun and cosy.

thank you Lord for giving us that time together.

hanging out at night with friends.

thank you for inviting me along.

thank you for the treat.

for walking me back though it was so out of the way.

will miss those times.

walking to the mrt together.

chatting on IM.

random visits to 10th floor.

meal with a lovely friend.

after a morning of being with God at hv's coffee bean.

she came by to be together.

walked me all the way back to office.

encouraged me from the book of acts too.

taking halfdays like what py does really does refresh me.

the work back in office remains as tough as it is.

but perspectives change.

spending time with friends and God.

brings so much joy and excitement to life.

Lord, he needs your touch.

he needs your love.

he needs to experience you in a supernatural way.

making tags together.

that was tiring, but worth the effort.

imagine.

imagine the way God might work through our tiny efforts.

thank you for taking them all back to write!

made cookies with a friend. (:

choc chip betty crocker cookies.

her family was welcoming.

loved her mommy's cooking.

thank God for the wonderful family You have given to her.

blessings.

privileged to be one of the sisters at her wedding.

she's the first among us to get married.

happy for her! :D :D

quick sand.

2011-12-10T10:23:00.004+08:00

i saw people being swallowed.
swallowed by the ground.
swallowed by quick sand.

i was standing somewhere far, somewhere higher.
while the people were below the mountain.
i was helplessly watching them slowly struggling to breathe.
to stay afloat.
but the quick sand was stronger.
much stronger.

i was one of the few to witness that.
then two people came, one after another.
to sit with me.
i told them what happened.
and i was sobbing and crying so badly.
and even breathing as i cried was difficult.

it was then i woke up from the dream.
my eyes were watery.
heart pumping quite fast.
and realized it was a dream.
but it was so real.
it seemed to affect me even in reality.

dreams.
what are they?
who are they from?

it's been some time since i last had a dream.
my dreams always seem to be about death.
or about running from danger.

wonder what the dream taught me....
about people losing their lives?
about friends who sit by you?

i'm not quite sure.
but i'm glad to leave it as it is.

youth sunday twenty seven november.

2011-11-28T00:15:00.003+08:00

thank You Lord.

for Your peace.

for Your strength.

for Your encouragement.

for Your empowerment.

for Your sustaining grace.

for Your faithfulness.

for Your wonderful presence.

it's amazing how You work all things out in Your time.

praying together.

2011-11-13T20:36:00.002+08:00

thank you girl.
walking up, praying in love, tenderly explaining hosea.
huggggs.

thank you girl.
listening, sharing, knowing what's behind the simple 'ok'.
smses of care.

thank you girls.
gently understanding, knowing and loving.
comfortable presence.

a friend got married today.
she looked beautiful.

one boy, one girl.

God, speak to the both of them together.
they both need you.
j & r.

life for just three days.

2011-11-05T00:09:00.003+08:00

dinner.
his nephew died.
just 3 days old...
due to probable negligence of the hospital.
imagine the pain of the parents...
my heart really goes out to them...
a tiny white coffin.
a very adorable baby.
imagine the pain....
all the joy, the anticipation, the man u baby t shirt.
the baby's room.
it's gona be very hard.
they're believers he said.
Lord, be their strength.
be their strength like no other.
feel so sad....
a joyous occasion became a seeming tragedy.
God.
they need You.

remember to carry them to the cross.

2011-11-04T23:36:00.003+08:00

give me a pure heart.
i lay my thoughts, my actions, my words all at the foot of the cross.
Lord, take them.
have them.
use them for Your glory.
casting all at Your feet.
victory in Jesus.

(': loves <3

love walked among us.
Jesus.

today is the day you have made.

2011-11-02T22:50:00.007+08:00

three more days to exactly one year six months.
these years have been really meaningful.
the greatest gift that God has given to me is the friends i've come to know.
i don't know how else to thank God for each person.
they are all gifts from above.
at times inadequacy creeps in.
at times comparison creeps in.
wondering how come i'm not as competent and as articulate as others.
wondering what really have i learnt in this one and a half years of my life.
what impact has it made to the sector.
what impact have i made to the people around me.
how have i grown and what have i learnt.

thankful for the dialogue today.
was very encouraged by what was said.
encouraged by the words of, you're very teachable.
you're very quick to grasp concepts and you're very bright.
from when i first came, you've become more confident, i've seen u grow.
and that brings great joy.
from one who used to ask 'how ah?' to one who is gives suggestions.
these words brought assurance and motivation.
i wasn't too sure about the 'bright' part cos i really don't think i am.
but i guess since it was said, hopefully there is some bit of truth in it.
maybe i really gotta believe a bit more in who God has created me to be.
to believe and trust a bit more in my bosses' words of encouragement.
really thankful for bosses who appreciate you for who you are.

but definitely, there's so much more for me to learn.
learning about the sector, to think on my feet, to write better.
learning to manage projects, learning to multitask.
learning to allocate time for different tasks. learning to close the loop.
learning to update my boss rather than waiting and sitting on things.

Lord, help me to be a better worker.
not for myself, not for man.
but for YOU.
the Audience of One.

grace, clarity, firmness, gentle assertiveness.
strength and skill will be shown through these challenging circumstances.
hugs. u can do it! He doesn't lead u when He won't empower u :)

dear Lord, help her through her paper.

see it not that you are inadequate.
but that you are built and nurtured differently.
give yourself time to be moulded.
rome wasn't built in a day.
it's attitude, more than innate abilities that will stand the test of time.

dear Lord, please heal her....

yes, definitely.
i'm God's beloved child.
created differently from others.
it's to learn to really find comfort in that.
we're all made special. different. unique.
with His fingerprints.
and He has written the days of my life in His book, even before creation.

an amazing positive attitude towards learning.
wow. indeed, definitely happy to hear that.

caught up with pardner over lunch.
she's leaving for a few years to study divinity.
Lord, keep her safe.

caught up with a friend.
blessings.
a greater thirst this world can't satisfy.
Lord, give her wisdom.

happy birthday ruth.
thank you for being the older sister i never had!
for the years especially when i was in secondary school.
having a friend as my teacher was so wonderful.
in secondary school i had my friend as my teacher.
now at work i have a friend as my boss.
that's really a blessing from God!

thank You Lord for doctor neighbours and doctor relatives.
it's such a wonderful thing to be healed. (:
enjoy the sights and sounds. nicely cut up orange.

Lord, she's not well.
bring healing in Your wings dear Lord.
give her rest.

she's pregnant! wow. another blessing from the Lord.
10 weeks already!
i guess the baby's size is slightly smaller than a peach?
or maybe the size of a thumb?
Lord, you know she's tired.
please give her more rest.
keep her and baby safe......
God indeed knows the desires of her heart.
Lord, You gave her a special surprise gift.
God's good.

thankful that my parents are Christians.
that i'm safe from evil spirits.
that i don't get weird dreams.
that things are simpler and filled with love here.
not as complicated as people who might come from other backgrounds.
or who practice being mediums.

three people congregating to pray.
where two or three are gathered in Your name.
there You are.
always enjoy prayer times.
draws us closer.

elephant love.
dear you.
lovessssss.
God's here. sher's here.
sitting on the stairs. eat dinner. sharing nice yummy mushrooms.
listening about rhythms of grace lesson.
thinking about God on the flyer.
thank you for accompanying me till late at night.

another friend working and studying at the same time.
feeling stressed as exams are now.
thankful that she was happy after the first paper on monday.
help her more.
thankful she asked me to keep her in prayer.
Lord, You are her strength.

missing my couz.
wondering how she is.
thinking of her quite a lot.
wishing we could have another chat and meet up.

four of us.
same same but different.

gratitude. blessings.

2011-10-16T23:17:00.001+08:00

leaving will be tough.

2011-10-12T21:45:00.007+08:00

if God were to call me to leave my work place and to go into the missions field for a year, leaving will be so difficult. would i be courageous enough to take that step of faith, from being in my comfort zone to stepping into a whole new untravelled journey? would i be able to say goodbye to the friends i've made in office, the youths and friends i have in church, my friends in yfc and school days and my family who has always been by my side? after a year, many things would have changed. that's quite scary isn't it? now i probably understand how friends who go for studies overseas feel.... when i come back, how would things have changed? would people change too? for good or for bad? i think i will surely cry, especially knowing that i will really miss the people here and i have to say goodbye. things will never really be the same again. i don't know why, but these thoughts seem like reality somehow. i can almost imagine the tough goodbye hugs and words. when will He call me to go?

getting up on monday morning was one of the toughest things. not all mondays are like that, just that this week's monday was one such monday. went to work feeling tired and all and feeling like i never got enough sleep. on monday morning when i reached work, i guess vic could tell that i was tired. he asked me why i looked so tired, and he pointed to the note i pasted on my computer, "hey, see what you wrote there, thank God it's monday leh!" it's interesting how God used him to remind me of God and to have an attitude of thankfulness. today he asked me about which day i was in my twenty six day journey. it's the eleventh day. haven't gotten much insights or clear direction though. it's really not easy.

looking forward to saturday's time with God and euns. gona spend time with God at a nice cafe, to be still, to read the Bible, to rest in Him. to spend time with a friend who loves the Lord so much and who inspires me to do likewise. it's really wonderful being with such friends. in cellgroup last week, we learnt about how important friends are. especially those who spur one another on towards love and good deeds and towards loving the Lord. thank You Lord for giving me so many friends like that. you, you and you are 3 such people. thank you friend, for giving me the courage to share about God openly and freely with our secondary school friend. seeing the way you talked so openly and sincerely and lovingly about what God has been teaching you gave me the courage to share as well. now i understand what it means when friends spur one another on to love and good deeds. it's so true.

spent yesterday night with ada. dinner and chatting. she's one who is touched by the word of God. Lord, help her to grow up into a woman after your own heart.

a friend messaged me, about her struggles. girl, don't give up. learn to let go and forgive yourself as how God would forgive. we are really free from guilt. believe that. His blood has paid it all. our sins, past, present and future have all been forgiven. that's the power of His blood. believe it. in your heart.

a modern day Boaz, that's what i'm looking for. thank you jj for sending that article to me. it spoke lots.

http://www.startmarriageright.com/2011/09/a-modern-day-boaz/

twenty six days.

2011-10-03T00:17:00.003+08:00

am embarking on a 26-day journey, of spending at least 15 minutes with God each day to seek His will for my life. a goal to work towards, which is from Him. where i can centre my life and my decisions around. where i can prepare myself for what He calls me to do. i give You my life, in full surrender, in utter dependence, in reckless abandonment. all for You Jesus. all for You.

latest happenings.

2011-09-24T23:23:00.002+08:00

dinner at pizza place with three friends from office.

talked. laughed.

lunch with py.

sharing of lives.

office corridor talk with j.

sharing our faith and our beliefs.

praying for salvation.

lunch with jo and al.

handmade ring and little note pad.

dinner with z, yl, d.

our conversation taught me some things.

contentment is something we all seek after.

as we grow older, we see that the race to success is a futile one.

contentment can only be found in Him.

our testimony as a christian is important.

when we don't walk the talk, others can tell.

growing up growing old.

we've grown.

Lord, help her find a suitable job.

birthday cake.

made a prayer.

that the both of them will come to know You.

chat with you.

a special night.

knowing that we need God.

catching up with an old friend.

2011-09-20T23:22:00.002+08:00

had breakfast with jimmy today at seven fifteen am in the morning. (:

it was only a short forty five minute catch up but am glad for the time.

fourteenth september quarter a century.

2011-09-14T22:48:00.005+08:00

today's such an amazing day filled with surprises and love.

things to be thankful for:
1. birthday wishes from all my students. even those whom i have not met for long.
2. birthday wishes from yfc friends who have been serving the Lord together.
3. birthday wishes church aunties, church youths, church friends whom i've grown to love. and even an old good friend's email to wish me happy birthday.
4. birthday wishes from friends from my primary school, secondary school, jc, NUS. they've grown up with me. supported me through studying life.
5. birthday wishes from family and relatives. ryan who apparently sees my main role as his sister as someone who treats him to food.
6. birthday present from the ng family. dutch windmill. clement and kynda. ((:
7. long whatsapp birthday message from ruth, telling me i've gota special place in her heart."your faithfulness will not go unnoticed"
8. surprise facebook message from ms lee! my touch rug teacher in charge who was my best teacher friend i had in jc. she so happened not to be in china, so that's why she could use facebook to message me.
9. surprise facebook message from my DCEO! despite being so busy and despite not feeling well today, she took time to message me happy birthday. amazing. vibha too, my DD, she sends birthday messages to us early in the morning! last year she wished me happy birthday even before i stepped into office. heard from my office friend that she messaged him on his birthday at 6am in the morning! wow.
10. surprise macdonalds breakfast from my friends in office. they made the words "HB SHER" with chili packets from macdonalds. it was really a surprise which i totally never expected after walking out from the room, after prayer time with euns and shan.
11. home delivered handmade cookies from charissa. tasted extremely yummy.
12. birthday cake from amily, my office friend!
13. bird's nest from grace. (: my office friend too.
14. birthday wishes from the many many office friends.
15. mum who surprised jo and i with a durian cake. it's lovely to celebrate our birthdays together.
16. anna who is always one of the first few to wish me happy birthday at 12am plus in the morning.
17. my dad who kinda like woke me up while i was in my dreams at 12 midnight to pass me my present. he got me a universal dock which i have completely no idea what it is to be used for.
18. mum who made me a wonderful dinner. steak, chicken drumstick, mashed potato, mushrooms, bacon with sausages. wow! all non veg and all my faves.
19. green jacket from shan, my office buddy.
20. big hug from marcieeeeee.
21. a "happy birthday sis" from shannon once he came home.
22. rip curl slippers from my mum's friend, an aunty neighbour!
23. aunty yap lee's snail mail birthday card which she never fails to send every year ever since she taught me sunday school in pri 6.
24. simple birthday message from diakest kolega.
25. super surprise visit from jo who just suddenly appeared at my house's doorstep with a lovely handmade card with lovely words and birthday gifts! huggs. next year we shall take leave on our birthdays to do something fun together okay?
26. birthday wishes from kids i've met during mission trips!
27. just read the birthday card from my department (plus shan) friends. it's the funniest ever birthday card seriously. kept laughing to myself cos what they write is really funny. what they wrote in the card is so unique to each of their characters.
28. and as i was typing this, another surprise! diakest kolega. came with hugggs.

thank You Lord for showing me today how special friends are. at different times in my life, God placed just the right special people to walk on in the journey. it's amazing how wonderful friends are. some friends might have shorter chapters in my life, some friends have longer chapters. yet all are unique in their own way, made by the Father. and specially placed in my life by God who loves all of us. God writes about our lives in His book. i'm secure in You Lord Jesus. take my life. take my all. i surrender my all to you. use me. fill me. lead me. cleanse me. for You. for You.

alignment.

2011-09-12T18:26:00.004+08:00

walking with lanterns at the park.
prayed together and the words just came.
felt perfectly okay, rested and slept a lot, but falling sick.
sneezing, sniffing, sore throat.
maybe it's the haze.
Lord, heal me please, i need to work.

align my heart with Yours dear Lord.
keep me alive in You, with emotions, with love.

a rainy night.

2011-08-31T01:34:00.002+08:00

as rainy as the weather.
angry.
wronged.
apologetic.
hurt.
did i respond in a way that glorified God?
was i too quick to react?
did i use the wrong words?
why is it that i always feel attacked by the words?
do i have to do some self reflection?
why must the words be so harsh?
am i taking it too personally?
am i the only one feeling this way?
why did a simple conversation end up that way?
why use big bombastic concepts that makes me feel inadequate?
isn't it true for you as well?
assumptions, connotations, outcomes, beliefs, context, truth?
guilt trip?
is that true?
why does this matter so much to me?
why waste my emotions and energy on this?
Lord. i give my raw emotions to you.
take it and refine it.
God, are you teaching me something?
Lord, help me to be calm and to reason properly.
Lord, help me to be meek, to be humble.
forgive me Lord.
teach me to forgive myself and others.
i surrender.
take away any feelings of coldness or bitterness.
help me to love.....
love......

friends.

2011-08-28T23:27:00.002+08:00

friends are God's gifts to us.
had time with diakest kolega and God at TCC yesterday.
learnt more about illustrator.
went running a few times.
met up with jo for dinner.
did street publicity for playmax.
carried nicole and avery without them crying.
reflecting on how to be a salt and light in office.
walking around toys r us at forum reminds me of my childhood.
jan's leaving.
thank You Lord for neighbour friends.

a song i composed at sentosa retreat

2011-08-10T00:27:00.002+08:00

Verse:
You've searched me
And You know me
When I sit and when I rise
You're behind me
And before me
You lay Your hand upon me

Chorus:
All of my days
Are written in Your book
All of my days
Are written in Your book
I'm secure, I'm secure, I'm secure, I'm secure
In You

outdo one another in love.

2011-08-09T23:57:00.000+08:00

God is teaching me to be satisfied in who He has made me to be rather than to aspire to be someone else or to feel that i have to match up to the talents of others.

Lord, teach me to give You thanks when others bless other people rather than to feel that i need to match up to it so as to gain acceptance.

the Bible teaches us to outdo one another in love, but it's in a selfless way, not a competitive way.

Lord, teach me not just to see only my weaknesses, but Lord, help me to see the strengths and talents that you have given me. others might say that i am talented in different ways, but somehow it's hard for me to believe it. all i see is how i can be more loving, more compassionate, more merciful, kinder, more real.

love this picture lots.

2011-07-30T01:22:00.003+08:00

at our retreat, we smiled, we played,
we laughed, we teared, we rested,
and we simply enjoyed reading His word once again.

you're growing up bro.

2011-07-24T18:21:00.003+08:00

thank You Lord for healing me just in time for the open water clinic today.
glad i could swim despite not being fully recovered.

wonderful friends in office who messaged me to get well soon!

i learnt to appreciate my mommy more during this time when i was ill.
she was out of the country, so i had to make my own honey (usually she does it for me if i'm sick).
and i had to go down to buy my own lunch, which i eventually didn't cos i was too tired and sick (my mommy would have made me porridge).

smiles. saw cheryl today.

looking forward to wednesday to friday. (:

happy birthday bro, it's your birthday tmr.
hope you like the beauuuuutiful cake that mommy and i decorated for you.

received facebook message from elly!

persecution.
Christians in the world today suffer for NOT denying Christ.
what have i done with my freedom to believe and to follow Christ?

war time is scary.

2011-07-04T22:26:00.002+08:00

had a long dream yesterday. dreamt that i was in a place experiencing war. staying at a refugee camp and trying to escape from the enemies who were trying to take my life. some of my friends and family were in my dream too. we were all lying low, dodging from bombs and soldiers. traveling in trucks in silence. what a dream. i remember my youngest brother was in the dream. i remember we traveled together and ran away together. woke up from the dream feeling a little exhausted from all the running and feeling a little nervous. i kept quiet for a while, giving my mind some time to decipher where reality is. hope there is no part two of the dream tonight. i need proper sleep.

ten thoughts.

2011-07-03T22:02:00.003+08:00

one.
i need to improve on my badminton playing skills.
de-proved so much since secondary school days.

two.
why don't i have youth day?

three.
thank You Lord that my dizziness has gone away.
and my mind doesn't feel as heavy anymore.
maybe sleep helps.

four.
talking to yew kiat always brings a smile.
he's so thankful to God.
his life is a testimony.

five.
one more new week of work.
wana glorify God in all that i do.

six.
teach me to show mercy.

seven.
i need to really spend more time with God.

eight.
thank You Lord for Godly friends.

nine.
thank You Lord for the three sign ups.

ten.
wednesday's visit.....

fruit of the spirit.

2011-06-23T23:25:00.000+08:00

five days of youth camp.

thankful seeing the older youths take the lead.
thankful for ada who ran to grab a chair for me when i didn't have space to sit.
thankful for joshua who did an awesome job and who expressed his appreciation. and who is a servant leader. woke up early to make breakfast for us. was so touched by that sight.
thankful for jan and jess who cared for my broken toenail.
thankful for siwei who took dessert for us.
thankful for ihsuan who comes with many hugggs.
thankful for charissa who shared.
thankful for janice who came straight after camp and gave it her all.
thankful for matthew who always smiles.
thankful for wayne who is so responsible and so creative.
thankful for lester who has a quiet presence.
thankful for nick who was so patient and encouraging in leading us blindfolded for 2 hours.

thankful for the friendly and cute little BB boys.
thankful for little patrick who helped to cut apples and who let me choose whether i wanted pork or lamb chop for dinner before he took his.
thankful for bryan who taught me how to shuffle.
thankful for nick who thanked me again and again for the angel-mortal present i gave to him.

thankful for sharing time.
thankful for both the devotion times where it was heart-to-heart sharing.

thankful for diakest kolega.

thankful for my group, faithfulness.
who acted really well during fun night.
kathy, emmaus, charissa, nick, lester, jeriel, brian, patrick.

thankful for them.
thankful for wilson who let us use the green mat to sleep.
thankful for ruth who brought dinner and who brought little jared to camp. loved playing with him.
thankful for pastor shane who gave good godly advice throughout the camp.
thankful for brothers. both of them.

thankful that God kept all of us safe.

thank You Lord for sustaining me through this whole camp.

a decade has passed.

2011-06-22T22:54:00.000+08:00

twenty second of june.
it's been a decade.
but the memories and the feelings and the pain still do not go away.
it's like a memory and a part of me that will always remain.
the memory is so vivid.
it just seems and feels like yesterday.
the everything.
hearing the news and choosing to believe that it's all a dream.
taking out photos and cards with shaking hands.
walking around where she lay, putting the yellow flower inside, knowing that it signifies my last goodbye.
but it was a goodbye she never could respond to.
writing and writing and writing non stop, hoping the pain goes away.
being strong infront of people and never shedding a tear.
feeling empty at badminton practices.
breaking down while visiting her there.
wondering what it would have been for her if she were here.
even after a decade, tears still well up.
why doesn't the pain go away?
ten years. ten years.
all that is left is a memory.
all that is left are pictures.
all that is left is a card.
going back there is like accepting the truth once again.
accepting the pain and reality of it all.
i don't think this pain will ever go away, even in decades to come.
Lord, You know.

rest and relax.

2011-06-13T23:09:00.002+08:00

argh. i don't know why my mind keeps being so active recently. feels like i'm thinking of something even when i'm not. gets very tiring and stressful. i think more white hair's gona come out. God, help me to truly rest and stop thinking of all the to-dos.

sudden realisation.

2011-05-31T22:33:00.004+08:00

1. meet up with mgs student for follow up
2. inform and confirm attendance with 10 students weekly about the weekly events
3. train for swimming
4. weekly tuition for 2 sec 5 students
5. weekly tuition for a sec 4 student
6. weekly badminton training for church tournament
7. settle food arrangements for youth camp
8. weekly yfc activity leading up to playmax
9. yfc facebook group committee meeting
10. make sure showers are installed in church
11. call bus company to change venue
12. prepare for cellgroup bi-weekly
13. prayer meeting once a month
14. weekly guitar class and writing of notes
15. write note to tayakorn
16. oversee youth camp planning
17. stayover on saturday
18. projection duty this month and train new person
19. mark bible study homework
20. settle youth camp budget with uncle robert
21. plan for first music-youth min session
22. plan outing in june for students
23. meet up with students
24. help aunty debbie in chinese
25. pack my room
26. occasional meet ups with friends
27. be a good friend
28. be a good colleague
29. be a good daughter and sister and grand daughter
30. be still before Him

which of these must go?

only love remains.

2011-05-17T21:23:00.003+08:00

Only Love Remains
JJ Heller

Scenes of you come rushing through
You are breaking me down
So break me into pieces
That will grow in the ground
I know that I deserve to die
For the murder in my heart
So be gentle with me Jesus
As you tear me apart

Please kill the liar
Kill the thief in me
You know that I am tired of their cruelty
Breathe into my spirit
Breathe into my veins
Until only love remains

You burn away the ropes that bind
And hold me to the earth
The fire only leaves behind whatever is of worth
I begin to see reality
For the first time in my life
I know that I’m a shadow
But I’m dancing in your light

Teach me to be humble
Call me from the grave
Show me how to walk with you upon the waves
Breathe into my spirit
Breathe into my veins
Until only love remains

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3BDYBGhSgI

serving others. not myself.

2011-05-15T00:12:00.003+08:00

Lord, teach me to serve others.
take away the self-centredness that i so often see in myself.
guard my thoughts and make them obedient to You.
fill my mind with thankful, joyful, lovely, pure and praiseworthy thoughts.
Lord, i see my sin.
my heart is dark and dirty and very selfish.
full of sin. full of self. full of pride.
in need of cleansing and purifying.
in need of Your word.
in need of You.
give me a passion for Your word.
a heart for Your people.

what have i done to serve others?
what is my motive as i serve others?
have i served others the way Christ wants me to?
if i were to serve someone in a room, where no one else sees and no one else knows, will i still faithfully go on serving?

Lord, forgive me.

things.

2011-05-14T23:55:00.002+08:00

forgiveness.

2011-05-13T00:23:00.000+08:00

glad the bus journey to work was smooth today without any jam at all.
got to ghim moh 30 minutes before work started.
ordered coffee cos i had a late night.
sat at coffee shop.
read one chapter of mark.
took out my notebook to write.
reflected on the feelings and thoughts that went through my mind on monday.
wrote about asking God to help me forgive and to let God do the vindication in His time.
to stop striving to hold that bitterness or anger.
to let go of the feelings and thoughts that are not pleasing to God.
remembered the lesson of forgiveness in cg 2 weeks ago.
i didn't have anyone in particular i needed to forgive at that time.
i guess that lesson was in preparation for what was coming up this week.
the actual test came.
thank You Lord for reminding me that the person who has problems forgiving others is the person who does not truly understand how he has been forgiven.
i reflected on how God has forgiven me, and if God can forgive someone so sinful like me, all the more, sinful me is able to forgive others.
Jesus suffered not for His sin, but for ours.
He left vindication to God.
He did not fight for His rights.
what's my tiny trial compared to His.
He was meek.
Lord, teach me to be meek.

chiam see tong.

2011-05-08T02:01:00.003+08:00

mr chiam see tong, you have persevered, fought well and earned the respect of singapore. you spoke for singapore and you bravely stood up in parliament to provide alternative views. even at this old age, you are still speaking for the people and you are still fighting on. amazing. you will always be in the hearts of many. take care and rest well. you deserve a good rest. you're my GE 2011 hero. (:

finally.

2011-05-01T20:32:00.002+08:00

three days of relaxing, fun and time together.
:D have been looking forward to it and finally it's here.

to my diakest kolega, am praying for you.
loves.

words build others up. indeed.

2011-04-29T23:45:00.000+08:00

thank You Lord for the very encouraging colleagues, bosses and friends at work. (: thank You Lord for seeing me through this week, and today. it really helps when people come along to give a word or sms of encouragement or a pat on the shoulder to tell you not to be nervous. yesterday as i was preparing for the presentation and getting quite anxious about it, my medium boss came up to me to tell me to be confident in what i was presenting, and that i know my stuff well, better than most of the others, and to just give it my best the next day. she trusted me. my small boss was also very encouraging. always coming by to ask how i was doing and she always somehow knows when i needed a pat on the back or some words of encouragement, and she's always there to give it. my office friend would look at my slides and say it looks nice, that too made me more excited about the presentation. another of my office friend would always tell me that i'll be fine, that i can do it. and helped me a lot through it and would even message me after work with words of encouragement.

and the words of affirmation that came after the presentation also gave me courage and confidence to continue in the work. after the presentation, a few people from other departments also came up to me to say good job. i was pleasantly surprised when the medium boss of the other departments also came up to encourage me. i don't even quite know him well. and my big boss also thanked me (and the other presenters of course) for presenting. today's a day full of lotsa encouragement and smiles.

thank God the presentation went well. He saw me through it all. (: actually, it was just a 10 minute presentation to about 50 people. but somehow i always find it very scary to speak in front of a crowd and especially when i feel inadequate about what i'm presenting..... i kept feeling that i'm not in the position to share about those high level stuff, like, i think my bosses would have done a better job than i. but i guess it's all about learning and stepping out of my comfort zone. been working on this presentation for almost the whole week. now that it's over, i can finally take a breather.

when used in love, words can really build others up.

also love how people at office share from their hearts about God, unashamed to give glory to Him or to talk about Him in their lives. there's so much i can learn from them. they speak about God so openly and freely and it's just so part of them to talk about God even to a crowd with not just believers.

since i spend most of my day at work, i'm also learning to see how i can involve God in my work more. (: a friend shared that she prayed about having wisdom about work stuff. even things like choosing to do difficult things at work is also a way of proclaiming the gospel to others because then they will know that it's not by our efforts, but that glory goes to God. i'm not sure how i can pray about work, so Lord, teach me.

looking forward to our short getaway! our first time. :D :D :D

qy, take care as you travel to china for a year. was glad for the short catch up over lunch at everything with fries.

received an email from a friend overseas. haven't replied yet, but it's still something close to my heart.

thank You Lord for everything.

elections.

2011-04-27T00:08:00.002+08:00

my first year voting.
did some reading up on the elections.
found out who are the MPs in jurong GRC.
listened to the 27 year old PAP candidate speak.
watched the 1 hour political forum on singapore's future.
conclusion: politics and elections are more interesting than i thought.

good friday sandcastle building

2011-04-22T23:35:00.000+08:00

spent good friday building sandcastles. (:
glad to be able to spend time with some of the students i haven't met for some time.

building the kingdom of God together.
thank You Lord for dying on the cross for me.

change change change.

2011-04-10T21:35:00.004+08:00

changes changes changes.
people leave.
people come.
people move.
work is not just about work.
it is about people.
friends that i've known at work, some leaving, some moving.
friends that sit on my floor, moving to another floor.
there have been so many changes.
i'm not too used to that.
when i was studying, at least i knew that my friends would be here with me for 4 years in secondary school, and 2 years in jc and 4 years in uni.
only had to deal with saying goodbye once in a few years.
ever since i started work, i've said a few goodbyes.
dealt with changes in bosses, changes in seating area.
managed new friendships with new colleagues.
emotionally, there's always this sense of loss when people go or move.
and it takes extra effort to build new friendships.
and sometimes just when friendships have been built, then change comes again.
am still not quite used to having change.
esp in terms of seeing people leave and move.
things and people are never the same.
only God is.

today.

2011-04-03T23:31:00.005+08:00

a big big thank you to you for accompanying me today. it made the whole day so memorable and so fruitful. it's indeed motivating to have someone beside you doing work. (: our friendship goes so far back. it's amazing that we've not grown tired of each other but as the years go by, we're enjoying each other's company and friendship more and more. as our lives change, come whatever, we will still be friends forever. even at thirty five. or forty five. or fifty five. or sixty five. or seventy five. or eighty five if we live that long.

excited for the getaway in may. and hopefully one more in july! :D

gave her a goodbye hug on friday. she flew off today. be safe.
her first time swimming at night. our first time swimming together.
she was feeling down. glad that after our swim, her friends around her said that she was back to her usual cheerful self.
she listened to me as i complained about the cramp in my toe. made nice hot vanilla milo for me. at the freezing kbox, she lent me her jacket.
glad she came to church today. we sat together.
hakuna matata.
she's gone to china. Lord, protect her.
late night supper with two friends.
received an email from a friend who is overseas.

holy communion today.
i know all my past sins have been forgiven.
it's a clean sheet, a new start, a new beginning.
Lord, guard my heart.

two reminders to be still this weekend.

2011-04-02T23:56:00.000+08:00

supper with 2 friends.
time with God today.
prayed for many friends.
wrote to you.
it's just wonderful having friends who love God - in church, in yfc, in office.
langkawi here i come.
sher loves short getaways.
thanks mum for making mango pudding.

safety.

2011-03-28T23:52:00.002+08:00

staying late in office really forces me to trust in God and God alone. it's scary being the only one left and having to turn off all the lights. it's the second time today and i have grown braver i think...... though still a little afraid. called a friend the first time. today i just quickly turned off everything and zoomed down. it was a little scary today cos i walked to the front entrance and realised it was locked. so had to walk back to the side entrance to get out. first time seeing the community centre so dark. thank you Lord for bringing me home safely. my room is the only place that is not scary at night. thank you Lord for providing me a home to live in, a bed to sleep on and a blanket to keep me warm. (:

kites taught me many lessons.

2011-03-27T23:58:00.000+08:00

she's belongs to You.

2011-03-23T22:19:00.003+08:00

it's so painful losing a little one.
yet she learnt to put her hope and faith in God.
brought tears to my eyes reading that she knows it's not a judgement from God, but that God cries and weeps along with them as well.
God, comfort this child of yours.
embrace her with Your love.

thoughts. reflections. thanksgiving.

2011-03-20T18:58:00.004+08:00

God provided just enough manna for each day of this week.

i not only survived, but i also enjoyed the different things i was involved in. all came out well, or even, better than i expected. sd retreat - hearing the learnings of others. youth leaders retreat - spending lotsa time with the older youths who are filled with so much love and care for each other and with sensitive hearts towards God. they were so open in sharing their hearts. i've learnt a lot from them. and it's so lovely having diak-est kolega and pastor at the retreat. (: though physically tired, i feel spiritually refreshed. God, you're working in all our lives. kites - they taught me a lot today.

yesterday night while waiting for wei to prepare her thoughts for today's silent retreat with the youths, i decided to write down some things to thank God for during this youth leaders retreat. and surprisingly, it turned out to be a good long list:
1. thank God for yew kiat who surprised us on saturday morning with tea and coffee and curry puffs for all of us. pastor shane said, 'no wonder he kept asking me how many people were at the retreat the previous night'.
2. thank God for the chat with ada while on the way back to church after steamboat. found out more about her family and got to know her more too.
3. thank God that i was able to meet up with jess during the week to prepare for the devotion. thank God for her willingness! good job jess!
4. thank God for wei who came over to help me pack stuff. made packing less tiring and dreadsome. ryan and mum helped too.
5. thank God for pastor shane, wayne and josh who made us breakfast. sausages and eggs.
6. thank God for the short time of singing with mark and wei at the church playground last night. mark chose for us to sing the songs 'still' & 'amazing grace'.
7. thank God for the fun time running through the little fountain at bugis with jan and dillon.
8. thank God for charissa who helped me with buying balloons and for the soya beancurd treat.
9. thank God for joshua who has a heart of mercy and who wrote to jess to not be afraid to pray out loud.
10. thank God for the gift of evangelism You have given to janice. she has brought many friends to the saving knowledge of Christ - ihsuan, lester. and from them, inung, aunty sabrina, si wei. the hearts of these people - lasts for eternity.
10. thank God for the beautiful moon yesterday night. it was one of the most amazing moon i ever saw. there was a bright huge ring which surrounded the moon. very very beautiful. "every star and every planet has been fashioned by Your hand. all creation holds together, by the power of Your word."
12. thank God for wayne and ada who are really cute. they have same elephants on their phones. and he hand sewed a wallet for her and for himself.
13. thank God for the friendship of the girls who grew up together in church with so much memories that brings laughter each time they talk about it.
14. thank God for the little conversations here and there i had with wei throughout the retreat.

glory to God. in the highest. in the highest. glory forever amen.

Lord, please be with him. ian, this child of yours. be with his mum, be with his family. Lord, it's really so heartwarming to hear how Your word spoke to him at a whole new level of understanding. i pray that aunty will know that she is loved. and Lord, help her to know that she's not only loved by her family, but even more so, that she is loved by the Kings of kings, the only true and awesome God. Lord, give ian many more chances and opportunities to show actions and speak words of love to His mum. and may He hold these times close to his heart always. Lord, be with him. comfort him, give him courage and strength in You.

strength.

2011-03-17T23:31:00.000+08:00

God, i need strength...

cabs and drive thru.

2011-03-17T00:44:00.000+08:00

thank God for cabs and drive thru mcdonalds. (:

words of affirmation.

2011-03-14T00:23:00.003+08:00

just received many words of affirmation from a friend.
it motivates me to keep going.
to know that God is indeed using me wherever He has placed me.
thankful to God for this pleasant and timely surprise of words of affirmation.
those words made my day.

she's matured.
grown up to be a lovely girl.
a God fearing and God loving girl she is.
thank You God for answering her prayer.
for those who love You, You give them the desires of their hearts.
thank You for the many many ways You are speaking to her.
lessons about treasuring each person that comes along her way.
lessons about understanding herself for who You have made her to be.
special. unique.
thank You Lord, for the freedom You have given her to love.
to put the past behind her and to move on in hope, in anticipation, in willingness.
a heart that beats with Yours.
that's her heart.

your day.

2011-03-09T22:25:00.001+08:00

happy birthday sx. it's your birthday today. (: miss you lots.

love of a husband.

2011-03-08T22:45:00.003+08:00

he kept telling himself, "i can't let go, i must keep awake, i must keep conscious because she can't be alone. she can't be alone. she can't be alone. my dad just passed away, i can't go now. she can't be alone."

that's the love of a husband.

he teaches me how to smile and laugh even in difficult times.

conversations with friends.

2011-03-06T21:11:00.002+08:00

who would have thought that one day, just one day, the usual conversations with friends would turn into conversations about CPF, housing policies and regulations, writing wills, income tax, children, wedding rings, marriage, traveling, parents-in-law. such high level conversations seem to be coming up pretty frequently nowadays.... what happened to our old conversations of teachers, cca, exams? i guess it's all part and parcel of growing up... that's how we tell we're growing old. the topics of discussion during meals.

such a special day.

2011-02-27T20:01:00.003+08:00

baptised today! :D
thank you to all my friends who came.
so glad to have friends witnessing this special occasion.

it's my prayer that some of them will one day come to know You.

it's amazing, my grandma also came!

happy birthday diakest kolega.
hadomi.

today's such a special day.

baptism tomorrow.

2011-02-26T23:42:00.003+08:00

tomorrow is the day!
excited and nervous at the same time.
dear God, help me speak from my heart.

ten years.

2011-02-23T21:13:00.002+08:00

been thinking about her.
just finished reading the book "feeling blue".
it's a book about how to help a youth handle depression.

there was a chapter about why youths commit suicide.
and signs to know that one is thinking about suicide...
she had a lot of those signs.
weight lost, no appetite, saying that it'll be better without her, giving away her fave things, saying she's not worth our time and love, talking about being a failure, rejecting praise, drop in school attendance.

another chapter was about the reactions of youths who have lost a friend or family because of suicide.
feelings of disbelief, guilt, blame, intense sadness, suicidal feelings, confusion, anger, hiding emotions inside and pretending everything was okay.
first reactions of shutting down, feeling numb, disbelief.
then experiencing intense emotions upon realising the deceased is truly gone.
and eventually emotions become less intense and the bereaved becomes more engaged in everyday life.
feeling a lot of emotions when going to places or doing things that remind one of the deceased.
i can identify with that.
didn't realise it was normal for me to have felt that way.

it has been ten years.
thank God for seeing me through that extremely difficult time as a fifteen year old.
only by His grace was i able to heal and live life.
God was the one who held me close during those many nights of tears and doubts.
i had no one else but God.
without God i wouldn't have come out of that depressing time.
journalling also helped me a lot, esp since i didn't want to share my feelings with others....

the book also said not to be afraid to refer to the deceased by name.
and to do things to remember the person, for example looking at past photos, thinking of past memories, remembering the person's birthday, talking about the person with another friend.

and as a friend to someone who has lost a friend due to suicide, sometimes there really isn't any words to say, but it's comforting enough to be there for the friend, to listen.

reading the book brought back so much memories and brought to the surface some of the deep emotions that have been hidden inside. as i look back, there's nothing else i can do but to thank the Lord for seeing me through.

glory to God.

a gift.

2011-02-12T22:09:00.003+08:00

How do we stop living like life is an emergency or something to be sped wildly through? How do we start believing that life can be carried only in the hands of the unhurried... a bubble held in awe. How do we stop wolfing life down?

All this or all these moments - all these are for you. Isn't that the Voice we have to learn to hear? The Voice that is telling the whole world that the earth under you and the rain over you, and all the stars spinning round you, this is for you, for you, for you.

So count the ways He loves, a thousand, more, never stop, so that when you wake in the morning you can't help unfold your hands to the heavens, and though you grieve and though you wonder, though the world is ugly, it is beautiful, and though time moves on, it's moments are holy, and though the planet spins, a blur, you can slow and you can wake and you can trust and and you can pay attention to the moments with this offering of thanks -- because this is how you spend your one life well --

Receiving each moment for what it really is: holy, ordinary, amazing grace.

A gift.

-by Ann Voskamp

from the word of God.

2011-02-11T23:41:00.004+08:00

psalm 119:9-11

how can a young woman keep her way pure?
by guarding it according to Your word.
with my whole heart i seek You
let me not wander from Your commandments.
i have stored up Your word in my heart
that i might not sin against You.

1 corinthians 10:12-13

therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall.
no temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man.
God is faithful and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability
but with the temptation He will also provide the way of escape
that you may be able to endure it.

praying with friends.

2011-02-11T00:14:00.005+08:00

ninth feb - a friend prayed for me over the phone.
for courage to talk to leaders.

tenth feb - a friend and i prayed together over the phone.
for our lives to be pleasing to God.

eleventh feb - a friend prayed for me in office.
for courage to email office friends for baptism.

prayer deepens relationships.
prayer encourages open sharing.
prayer gives one courage.
prayer leads one to action.

she prayed for me in her office cubi.
i think that takes courage too.
never imagined that my work place could be a place where friends can pray together.
it's the very first time. (:

two quotes.

2011-02-05T00:18:00.001+08:00

life becomes harder for us when we live for others, but it also becomes richer and happier.

simplicity is the only thing that can sufficiently reorient our lives so that possessions can be genuinely enjoyed without destroying us.

small cute happy faces.

2011-02-01T23:25:00.001+08:00

weather.

2011-01-30T00:04:00.001+08:00

raining.

continue in Him.

2011-01-20T20:35:00.001+08:00

Continue in the things that concern Him
He will continue to take care of the things that concern you.

Continue to give Him all that is yours
He will continue to give you all that is His.

Continue to wait upon Him
He will continue to be faithful to you.

Continue to seek His highest
He will continue to give you His best.

"Obey me, and I will be your God, and you will be my people. Do everything as I say, and all will be well!" Jeremiah 7:23 NLT

-Roy Lessin

gone home to a better place.

2011-01-17T19:46:00.002+08:00

the news is heartbreaking..... a son and a daughter have lost their father. a wife has lost her husband, the one she has spent most of her life with...... the one whom she smiled and laughed with as they watched their children grow up. Lord, You know their grief.... Lord, hold them together i pray... aunty, des, janet, san...... especially aunty..... God, thank you that they were all there by his side...... having those he loved right beside him as he breathed his last must have been the most comforting thought....... knowing that his life had been surrounded with people who loved him and people he loved.

just last sunday we saw uncle in hospital. he was talking with us, he watched the east timor video, he asked us if it was dangerous in east timor.... it really didn't seem like he would have gone home to be with the Lord just after one week.... we were talking to des yesterday and found out that uncle was unconscious. despite the tough situation, des still said he's trusting God, step by step........ and today..... the news that uncle has passed away...... uncle's in a better place now...... a place where he can finally see his Maker face to face....... be their comfort Lord.....

forgiven.

2011-01-16T19:17:00.004+08:00

as long as the Holy Spirit is in me, God will speak whenever i choose to seek Him. tenderly He comes, without condemnation, only love and forgiveness. thank You Father.

praying together on the phone.... (: thank you.

a hug to start it all.

2011-01-15T22:46:00.002+08:00

year twenty eleven started with a huge, long and tight hug from best friend. (:

wait for me.

2011-01-14T23:39:00.002+08:00

three three three.

wait for me.
to catch up.
to-do lists.
they never end.
i see them.
everywhere i go.
who am i?
do i know?

four four four four.

wait for me please.
time runs too fast.
my body needs rest.
mind needs a break.
in times like these.
what do i do?
escape from it all?
run far far away?
or just do it?
however much it takes?

Jesus.............

soup spoon.

2011-01-12T23:58:00.003+08:00

these are some things i picked up from a conversation with a friend.

1. i need to unclutter my life.
2. has my identity been determined by the things i do, so much so that i have forgotten who i really am?
3. when we're humble, that's the safest place to be.
4. dare to be ruthless to get rid of the things in my life that are hindering my relationship with God.
5. it's easy to be a shell, just doing and doing and meeting others expectations of myself. but is that the way it should be?
6. she sets aside blocks of her time on saturdays to spend with God. wei also suggested i do that. i should start this discipline.
7. slow down. read the Bible slowly, verse by verse and don't move on until i'm sure that i know what God is speaking to me about.
8. sometimes it's just letting go of the things that we've been holding on too tightly.
9. it's okay to have no leaders, let God work and let God find the manpower.
10. we can rationalize a lot. we've many reasons why we should or should not do something. how do i know the difference? seek God and He will surely make Himself known.
11. keep asking myself, is this where God wants me to be? is this what God wants to teach me at this point in my life?
12. i can't serve like in uni days anymore, i just don't have the capacity. dare to make a stand.
13. be a leader who cares about whether the people under me are where God wants them to be, not just people who are serving God in ministry.
14. it's important to have a friend who will spur me along in my relationship with God.
15. she didn't just ask about what we did at east timor, she asked how the trip was for me personally.

uncluttering in progress.

exodus 1:21

2011-01-11T00:30:00.001+08:00

And because the midwives feared God, he gave them families of their own.

wait in expectancy.

not up to speed.

2010-12-17T00:53:00.003+08:00

struggling to catch up.
everything else is too fast.
or is it that i'm too slow.
i need a break.
a real one.
a long one.
before i break.
maybe it's just these 2 weeks.
it'll be over soon i hope....
i must be thankful.

draw me nearer.

2010-12-16T00:37:00.003+08:00

because of You the broken has a song.
Lord, capture my heart to make it obedient to You.
grant me a passion for prayer.
teach me to be embraced in Your mercy.
help me to sit at your feet.
guard my thoughts, my actions, my words.
turn my eyes to gaze upon You.
remind me that i'm secure in You.
that my worth is found in You and You only.
remove my self-gratifying desires.
draw me nearer.
nearer to the cross.

come home running.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYlaausg6TE

guard my heart.

2010-12-12T01:00:00.003+08:00

the human heart is easily swayed
and often betrayed at the hand of emotion
you dare not leave the outcome to chance
you must choose in advance

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0k8TEGidlGA

my boss.

2010-12-06T22:23:00.004+08:00

i'll miss my boss.
i kinda got used to her style as a boss and her as a person.
can't help but feel a sense of loss and uncertainty...
congrats to her though.
another promotion. (:

my new boss is my friend.
that's something to look forward to.
it's gona be an exciting journey ahead.

best fries forever.

2010-11-17T20:13:00.003+08:00

first time trying gong cha.
first time eating best fries forever.
with three friends. <3

train ride home.
listened.
heart goes out for her and family.
Lord, please hold them close together as one.
Lord, please hold them close to You.
her trust in God - based on her belief, not circumstances.
that's something to learn.

yesterday.
shepherd's pie. yum.
pasta. yum.
toufu. yum.
chicken wings. yum.
sushi. yum.
house. cosy.
hung. adorable.
people. lovely.

Lord, thank You.

pray.

five people coming together.

2010-11-14T19:36:00.003+08:00

lunch with colleagues last friday.
left me feeling very burdened.

five of us had lunch together.
one, an atheist.
one, a buddhist.
one, a free thinker.
one, a hindu.
and me, a christian.

our lunch topic: religion.
imagine the conversation........
different views and ideas flying across the table.
it was overwhelming.

thankfully when i told dad about the conversation with my colleagues,
he gave me some good answers to some of the questions they asked.

rhythms of grace.

2010-11-12T23:38:00.002+08:00

am i really serving Him without worshipping Him? is my service to God not pleasing to Him? does that mean then, that it's better off not serving? is serving a form of escaping from God's presence?

if there is no trust, there is no worship.
if there is no right view of God, there is no worship.

learning the unforced rhythms of grace.
even in the little things.
even in the tough things.

i pour my love on You

2010-11-04T23:06:00.006+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opMkgyfps4c

first ever run.

2010-10-31T21:32:00.003+08:00

finished the race.
by God's grace.
to the very end we must finish it.

mary poured perfume on Jesus' feet.
it was a year's worth of wages.
she washed Jesus' feet with her hair.

what have i done for Jesus?

re-evaluate.

2010-10-23T21:09:00.001+08:00

i need to do a re-evaluation.

pray together.

2010-10-20T23:13:00.002+08:00

been humming this: 宝贵十架.

friends talk.
friends P R A Y together.
friends help each other focus back on God.

thank you friend.

potato mushroom gratin.

2010-10-17T23:06:00.001+08:00

food for thought.

16 october.

thoughts.

2010-10-17T20:41:00.003+08:00

when mountains fall, I'll stand.
by the power of Your hand.
and in Your heart of heart I'll dwell.

does my soul know that very well?

i want to live for Christ today.
i want to act decisively for God.
i want to pursue His purposes.

why didn't i have the courage to stand up for it?

doing something enjoyable.

2010-10-03T23:16:00.003+08:00

the day of eternal rest.

2010-10-03T21:34:00.001+08:00

我空虚的心灵终於不再流泪
我不安的脚步终於可以停歇

left hand.

2010-10-01T00:14:00.001+08:00

masking tapes.

2010-09-30T23:55:00.000+08:00

i walked into made with love with the strong determination that i will not buy anything.

i walked out of made with love with the conclusion that my strong determination wasn't as strong as i thought it was.

thirteen unfinished rolls of masking tape/scotch tape in my drawer.
now i have one more.
ten dollars poorer.

nice masking tapes - things i cant resist buying.

happy birthday to two friends in office.

shelter me.

2010-09-29T23:45:00.010+08:00

umbrella.

sometimes i just feel like there's a whole load of responsibilities upon my shoulder that i end up doing none of them well. everyone's tired. me too. but who will take up the responsibilities that i have now if i don't continue doing them? i need to let go of some things. but who am i to ask to take up the things that i need to let go? is that imposing on them? Lord, tell me what to do........ all joy is lost in doing all these. yes, it's good to serve the Lord, but how much can i take physically and mentally?

shelter.

Lord, give me joy, keep me strong. help me only listen to the voice of truth.... and not to entertain these defeating thoughts..... i have been choosing to ignore the tiredness and the stress that comes along. but on this night, i am unable to continue ignoring it. i come to You... please. give me a break Lord. it's easy for people to leave, but why do i find it so hard to let go? it's indeed discouraging when people decide to leave, to stop serving. but i know i can't let my emotions be dependent on people. Lord, teach me to look to You and You only. Lord. i really need You.... shelter me.

thank you girls.

2010-09-28T20:52:00.000+08:00

a higher calling.

2010-09-22T22:44:00.008+08:00

this is my desire -

to honor You.

Lord i give You my heart

i give You my soul

i live for You alone.

love east timor.

http://www.loveeasttimor.com/

how.

2010-09-20T22:57:00.002+08:00

how am i gona survive this week?

falling ill.

riding on elephants.

2010-09-17T18:44:00.001+08:00

visited her on a rainy day.

red. yellow. friends.

2010-09-13T00:51:00.004+08:00

help me live like this.

2010-09-10T00:02:00.004+08:00

singly His.
undivided heart.
wholly devoted.

to love you as i should, i must worship God as Creator.
to love you as i should, i must worship God as Sovereign.
to love you as i should, i must worship God as Saviour.

then we can love people the way God loves them.

she showed me what it means to put others interest before her own. love that gives. sacrifices.

who you tell yourself you are has a very powerful impact on the way you deal with the big and small issues of daily life. in the same way, where you find your identity will have everything to do with how you respond to the hard work of relationships with others. either i get my identity vertically, out of my sense of who God is and who he has made me in Christ, or i will seek to get my identity horizontally, out of my circumstances, relationships, and successes. when we live out of a sense of who we are in Christ, we live our lives based on all we have been given by Christ. this keeps us from seeking to get those things from the people and situations around us. much of the disappointment and heartache we experience is the result of our attempts to get something from relationships that we already have in Christ. no human being was ever meant to be the source of personal joy and contentment for someone else. your spouse, your friends, and your children cannot be the sources of your identity. only when i have sought my identity in the proper place am i able to put you in the proper place as well. when i relate to you knowing that i am God's child and the recipient of his grace, i am able to serve and love you. however if i am seeking to get identity from you, i will watch you too closely, listen to you too intently, and need you too fundamentally. i will ride the roller coaster of your best and worst moments and everything in between. and because i am watching you too closely, i will become acutely aware of your weaknesses and failures. i will become overly critical, frustrated, disappointed, hopeless, and angry. i will be angry not because you are a sinner, but because you have failed to deliver the one thing i seek from you: identity.

-adapted from relationships a mess worth making

Lord, help me find my identity in You and You only.

first birthday.

2010-09-01T23:52:00.001+08:00

Your hands.

2010-09-01T00:05:00.004+08:00

when my world is shaking
heaven stands
when my heart is breaking
i never leave Your hands

Your hands
Your hands that shaped the world
are holding me
they hold me still

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4l3CEMWCxSk